14 Films Made 2 Order...for US!

Here are 14 titles set for release in 2006, culled from The Los Angeles Times' annual "Movie Sneaks" issue, that we already suspect (as of January 17, 2006) may be listed on the Nominating Ballot for this year's 27th Annual RAZZIE Awards

OH, NO! SNAKES...ON A PLANE!

 

AMERICAN DREAMZ (April 14)

 Dennis Quaid, Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore
    To bolster his sagging poll ratings, a US President becomes a judge on a reality TV show...Can't we just vote this off the island NOW??

BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION (March 31)

 Sharon Stone, Charlotte Rampling, David Thewlis
   Stone’s character moves to London…and murder follows. It's 14 years later...Aren't we ALL praying Stone keeps her legs crossed this time?

THE BENCHWARMERS  (April 7)

 Rob Schneider, Jon Lovitz, David Spade
   To pursue their adolescent dreams, three middle-aged losers form a pitiful baseball team. AKA: DEUCE BIGALOW, YER OUT, GIGOLO!

CLICK (June 23)

 Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, David Hasselhoff
   Sandler plays an architect (right!) who finds a magical remote that can control his real life. Okay, so I'm already looking for the MUTE button myself...

FAILURE TO LAUNCH (March 10)

 Matthew McConaughey, Sara Jessica Parker, Kathy Bates
   A middle-aged man still living at home finds his “dream girl” – Hired by his parents. Among the obvious problems: Its title sounds like a promo for an erectile dysfunction product...

FIND ME GUILTY (March 17)

 Vin Diesel, Ron Silver, Anabella Sciorra
   In his first bid for an Oscar nomination, Diesel sports hair on top of his head, and Sidney Lumet behind the camera. Playing a man defending himself thru an endless trial, the Vin-ster may finally prove the old cliché about any lawyer who'd hire himself as a client...

GARFIELD’S A TALE OF TWO KITTIES (June 23)

 Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love-Hewett, Bob Hoskins 
   In a tale of mistaken identities, the lasagna eating fat cat reworks Mark Twain’s “Prince and the Pauper.” Since no one foolish enough to see this film likely knows who either Twain or Charles Dickens are, perhaps no actual brain cells will be endangered by those watching it...

MIAMI VICE (July 28)

 Colin Ferrell, Jamie Foxx, Gong Li
   Michael Mann rips off his own hit 80s TV show, set in the drug trafficking Mecca of Miami. Looks like another big, loud, dumb buddy/cop movie full of explosions...but with nicer clothes (and expensive sunglasses!)

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III (May 5)

 Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames, Philip Seymour Hoffman
 Without Spielberg's name above his, Cruise may finally find out how much damage his wacko behavior in 2005 did to his film career. Altogether, everybody -- say, "Bye-bye, Tom!"

THE OMEN (June 6 -- 06/06/06)

 Liev Schreiber, Mia Farrow, Julia Styles 
   In this remake of the 1976 Gregory Peck/Lee Remick classic, that little devil Damien (aka The Anti-Christ) is back for more fun and games. Satan apparently is unfamiliar with one of the basics of Hollywood marketing: Do the remake BEFORE everyone who remembers the movie you're ripping off is in elder care...

POSEIDON (May 12)

 Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum
   A second remake of the ocean-liner-upside-down thriller whose first remake aired as a TV movie last fall. If we get to see Kurt Russell drown in a pool of flaming oil, THAT I'd pay to see...

SNAKES ON A PLANE (August 18)

Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Byron Lawson
   To silence a witness, some not-too-bright mobsters let loose a crate full of snakes on an airliner...a slither-fest of snickers ensues?

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (October 6) 

 
 Starring: No One You'll Ever Hear of Again
   The first ever “prequel to a remake” follows the early, formative  years of that cultural icon...Leatherface. At least with his skin texture, acne shouldn't be an issue...

ZOOM (August 11)

 Tim Allen, Courtney Cox, Chevy Chase
   An out of shape superhero is hired to train his successors, and save the world...AKA: THE NOT-SO-INCREDIBLES??

HERE'S A LINK 2 CHECK OUT SEVERAL MORE POSSIBLE 2006 RAZZIE CONTENDERS 

 

Let's be sure we "honor" the terminology the releasing company has given us: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING is technically "a prequel to a remake," NOT a remake, per se. Still sounds like it'll suck, though...

Snakes on a Plane? They couldn't even come up with a halfway interesting title.  What's next, Jerry Bruckheimer's "Movie with Explosions"?

As much as I'd love to attend that field trip, I have a feeling that on the flight back to Denver, I'd be wishing there were snakes on the plane.

I haven't seen it anywhere, but Final Destination 3 is more than a worthy contender for 2006's badfest (I'll probably see it anyway though, just for laughs).  And speaking of 3's, don't forget the new X-Men.  I've seen the trailer, and it looks laughable.  And now it's being directed by the Rush Hour guy, which is more proof it will be the X-act joke of a film the previous one was.

to state that Tom Cruise is going bye-bye is pure ignorance.

He's the biggest movie star in the world and even though MI2 was lacking, it still made over a half a billion dollars worldwide.

he's the biggest movie star in the world. love or hate him, he's not going anywhere.

Yo, Tony -- Before you blow a gasket over how Box Office somehow relates to merit where movies are concerned...Maybe you oughta get out that Sense of Humor you seem to have abandoned and bring it with you next time you visit our site.

Regardless of Cruise's box office behemoth status, the man hasn't made an even arguably good movie in years. And, not to put too fine a point on it, but BOTH of the first two MISSION IMPOSSIBLE films were Razzie nominees...so extrapolating that the turd one -- oh, sorry, third one -- will also stink isn't much of a stretch. Suggesting that Cruise may go "Bye, bye" after M-I-3 is, admittedly, an exercise in hyperbole...

Yo, Stu -- Good call! Here's a LINK to see the Tailer to TAKE THE LEAD, which looks like an uncomfortable cross-breeding of TO SIR WITH LOVE and TV's DANCING WITH THE STARS...