This vile piece of work deserves nominations. 

 

The good:

 

James Franco: I was surprised by this too. I expectated him to suck, but he ended up not sucking. Of course, it could be that he's the only character that I didn't want to harm brutally.

 

Natalie Portman's butt: Yes her arse is a glorious thing, even if it's fake. As for her acting, go down to the bad.

 

"No! Never triangle-face! I hate triangle face! It scares me!": This is, seriously, the only scene that I laughed at.

 

The bad:

 

Natalie Portman's acting: This is Natalie's worst turn since Attack Of The Clones.

 

David Gordon Green: Seriously, what the f*ck? You did George Washington! Sure, Pineapple Express was funny, but that Seth Rogan's screenplay. Hopefully, The Sitter will help him out of his slump.

 

Not doing anything with Zooey Deschanel: She's hot and talented. The lack of screen-time is shameful.

 

The ugly:

 

Danny McBride: McBride's, arguably, one of the funniest people of the planet. This makes his terrible performance even more disheartering. Instead of harkening back to his performances in Pineapple Express or Tropic Thunder or Eastbound And Down, he recalls his performance in Land Of The Lost, which he was on the nominating ballot for.

 

The script: This makes Ehren Kruger look like Nolan.

 

The sequel hook: At the end, McBride and Portman are off to beat-up the witch who put a cursed chastity-belt on her.

 

That's all have to say about this. Grade: D+.

 

(Also, I'll be doing this type of review for all the movies that have a forum here that don't have one already or ones that I feel aren't bad or flawed enough to deserve it*)

 

*By that, I mean Captain America, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, and Scream 4.

I don't care WHEN the film was shot, it doesn't really follow through on Portman's now Oscar-calibur talents. That's my point. 

Being a fan of James Franco and Natalie Portman, I kind of bit my tongue and hoped that the results would exceed my low expectations by title alone. The title alone gave me little interest and couldn't keep me from thinking of "Year One." Sadly, no trailer since has made me even more interested to see it, even if the director did a really good job with Franco and Danny McBride a few years back with "Pineapple Express."

It's also sad that these guys also wrote "Eastbound & Down" and lack any of the elements that make that show fun. 

Also, I haven't read a review that doesn't mention it as a juvenile's attempt at making Dungeons and Dragons into a naughty, curse and dick joke filled journey... oh God, why?

 

 

 

UPDATE: 2 days until it opens, and it's losing 5-8 now.