I have just gotten word of this year's nods, and I figured I'd return to comment on it. Adam Sandler. That name makes me shudder in disgust. Along with Michael Bay, Sandler is the leader of what I like to call “Nimrod Nation Movies”. These two cater to the lowest common dominator of film goers who wouldn’t know what a good movie was if one bit them on the face (like a certain other person we all know). If you have seen one movie from either man, you have seen them all. Bay does nothing but uncalled for slow motion, car chases (usually with Hummers), models and other good looking women who lack in acting ability and are used for nothing but sexist reasons, racist undertones, piss poor writing, and LOTS of explosions. Sandler uses the humor of a 12 year, always casting himself as a “lovable” moron who is anything but, and always gets what he wants in the end out of dumb luck and doesn’t learn anything from the whole experience; lather, rinse, and repeat since 1995.

That being said, I am more than glad to see both of these worthless sacks of flesh (I mean that strictly from a film historian/critic POV) have more than plenty of chances of taking home two fists full of spray painted gold! For the longest time, it seemed that “The Sly Guy” and Madonna were the Razzies’ personal punching bag (at least at the actual awards, the forum is a whole other story), with Sly’s record 10 wins and Madonna’s runner-up 9 wins. But in one night, Sandler might tie or break either one of those records! I can’t think of a better person to get such an “honor”! AND, “Jack & Jill” is also likely to break the win record of “I Know Who Killed Me”, so this will be a history making Razzies indeed. That being said, I am looking VERY (or BERRY) forward to this year’s April Fools’ Day (something I usually never say). Here’s my rundown of each category and my opinion of it.

WORST PICTURE

In my opinion, it’s a two picture race between “Jack & Jill” and “Trannies 3”. I highly doubt “Bucky Larson”, as bad as it is, was seen by enough voters to win. That and considering how low profile the movie was, it wouldn’t be a “big” enough win. “New Year’s Eve” was just made for the sole reason of getting Worst Ensemble. Even though it wasted all 20 of its celebrity stars, as a movie, it wasn’t the worst the year had to offer. I know there’s a certain member on the forum who would love nothing more for “Twilight Part 4 of 5” to get the win, but it’s not going to, simply because there’s still the grand finale of the series to go, so it’s not like we’re losing anything by it not winning this year. That leaves “J&J” and “T3”.

“J&J” is the bigger target. Sandler being so in love with himself, he just HAD to cast himself in both lead roles. Throw in Mrs. Couch Jumper (aka Katie Holmes) and Mr. “I Have No Self-Respect Left, I’ll Take Any Role Offered to Me and Either Sleepwalk or Scene Chew My Way through It” (aka Al Pacino), and you have the ultimate Razzie pandering movie! “T3”, on the other hand, is just more of the same from the series, and if it doesn’t win, hey, there’s always “Trannies 4”!

Who Will/Should Win: “Jack & Jill”

WORST ACTOR

Nic Cage is an even bigger whore than Al Pacino, but when you are up to your eyeballs in debt from buying houses, comic books, castles, a car once owned by the Prince of Persia, a dinosaur skull, islands (yes, the man bought ISLANDS!), you’d probably have to accept every project put in front of you, too!

The shirtless guy from “Twilight” (that’s what this poor kid will forever be remembered for, so why bother knowing his actual name!?) is a non-factor in my opinion, and he’ll probably get another nod next year for “Twilight 5 of 5” anyway. The guy from “Bucky Larson” is also a non-factor, again because of how low profile the movie was. And as much as everyone hated the “”Arthur” remake, Russell Brand is not that big of a target either. That leaves us with Sandler, for not one, but two movies (as if one movie of his per year wasn’t enough!). That being said, Sandler is the shoe-in, as he was just begging the Razzies for attention this year!

Who Will/Should Win: Adam Sandler

WORST ACTRESS

Two of which are not even women! Everyone hates Sarah Jessica Parker, and I don’t blame, seeing as how the media praises her like she is God’s gift to women’s entertainment, even though the woman has the face of a horse and subpar acting ability. Kirsten Stewart is pretty much a robot, but she will have yet another choice at this award next year. When it comes down to who will actually win, it’s either Sarah Palin or Adam Sandler. If Palin wins, it’s just a big middle finger to her, but do we really want to give this woman an excuse to lengthen her 15 minutes of fame, especially when HBO is already doing a TV movie about her? So, I’m hoping for Sandler getting what’s coming to him, and hoping that he’ll finally realize that speaking in a high pitched voice doesn’t mean you automatically sound like a woman!

Who Will/Should Win: Either Adam Sandler or Sarah Palin (Hopefully Sandler)

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

I consider Dempsey and Franco as non-factors; they are just here to fill a spot. This race is between Al Pacino, Ken Jeong and Nick Swanson. As I said, Panico is just drifting his way through the twilight of his career. Jeong’s agent seemed to be hell-bent on having his client in every bad movie of last year, kind of like a reverse Jessica Chastain, who was in just about every good movie from last year.  And Swanson is just one of Sandler’s buddies, which means Sandler puts him in all of his movies, regardless of his buddies have any talent to speak of! In the end, this is just who will be guiltier by association, in which case, I give it to Jeong, since he can’t hide behind Sandler as an excuse to why he was in all of the worst movies last year.

Who Will/Should Win: Ken Jeong

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Again, two of these women aren’t even women! Nicole Kidman is just filling a spot; she’s only here because she should know better than appearing in an Adam Sandler movie. I’m guessing her mortgage was due or Sandler had blackmail photos of her. This leaves us with another guilty by association result: Katie Holmes (for being ½ of TomKat), David Spade (for being among Sandler’s friends), or that Victoria’s Secret model (do talentless models turn actresses Cindy Crawford and Estella Warren ring any bells?). In the end, I think this win belongs to the VS model, whom was casted for the sole reason of Michael Bay exploiting her body!

Who Will/Should Win: The Victoria’s Secret Model

WORST ENSEMBLE

Once again, “Bucky Larson” is too small, “Twilight” will have yet another chance next year. That leaves “Trannies 3”, “New Year’s Eve”, and “Jack & Jill”. “NYE” was made just for this category, but “J&J” loaded itself with Razzie favorites. “T3” is just guilty by association. In the end, this will just add to the win tally for “J&J”, because it’s just so gosh darn tempting.

Who Will/Should Win: Either New Year’s Eve or Jack & Jill (Probably the latter)

WORST SCREEN COUPLE

I’m not sure why this category exists. I was under the impression Worst Ensemble was created as a replacement for many reasons, namely because movies nowadays are crammed with “name” celebrities in just about every role, no matter how small said role maybe, so “couples” are no longer a trend. That and Ensemble also mocks the SAG Awards (or “Saggies”), while Screen Couple is nod to the MTV Movie Awards, and why would you want to associate yourself with that fecal matter of a program (or overall network)!? That being said, this will just add to Sandler’s tally.

Who Will/Should Win: Either one of Sandler’s nods (Probably the one for “Jack & Jill”)

WORST REMAKE, PREQUEL, SEQUEL, REBOOT, RIP-OFF (or as I call them, the only movies Hollywood makes these days!)

Again, this will just add to the win tally for “Jack & Jill”. However, I would personally like to see it go to “Hangover 2”, for being the laziest excuse for a movie possible, just a cutting and pasting from the first movie!

Who Will/Should Win: Either “Jack & Jill” or “Hangover 2” (I would prefer the latter)

WORST SCREENPLAY

Oh wow, this is the hardest to call. All of these screenplays are from the bottom of the barrel! Part of me would really, really, really like to see it go to “Trannies 3”, but I know it will most likely go to the win tally for “Jack & Jill”, again because it’s the juicier target.

Who Will/Should Win: Either “Trannies 3” or “Jack & Jill” (Probably the latter)

WORST DIRECTOR

Call me bias if you will (which I sure is what will happen), but I’m giving this one to Michael Bay. This man is a talentless hack, but Hollywood is still going to give this man work, so long as dumb people who enjoy looking at pretty explosions and shiny CGI keep paying to see his trash!

Who Will/Should Win: Michael “Attention Span of 4 Seconds” Bay

So, there you go; my two cents. You asked for it, and now you have it. Enjoy Oscar night, flaws and all!

2011 had MUCH better choices for RAZZIE finalists than 2010, with only 3 mild to moderate complaints:

I am very unhappy with some of the Oscar nominations. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Trite (Peter Travers called it that) over Drive for Best Picture. WTF?

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