ADDENDUM: There was more than one link for this DVD at Amazon. Curiously enough after going back and taking another look, I found several different review ratings. The one I cited above remains the largest sample, which tends to lead me to trust it as the most accurate of purchasers' opinion. However, I find this a curious credibility issue with Amazon's ratings.

 

The first scene where John discovers he can jump well is handled well. I actually got excited for it. The special effects are handled well here as well. The Tharks look great. Some of the action scenes are good like the end fight. And, I'd be negligent if I didn't mention that Woola, John's alien-dog thing, is the best character in the movie. He deserves a better movie to be in than this.

 

Lynn Collins is kinda stiff as Dejah, a Martian princess. She has some funny faces though. The screenplay is surprisingly bland when you consider that one of the writers has a Pulitzer. The film has one of the biggest non "mo-crap" examples of "uncanny valley" in recent memory with the Thark babies. They look ugly and their cries are scarier than some horror movie villains.

 

Taylor Kitsch gives one of the blandest performances in ages. He seems rather non-plussed about seeing a giant green alien. He's not as bad as he was in Battleship, but that's not saying much. I thought that he was decent in that sh*tty Wolverine spin-off though. The 3-D here isn't at the same level as Clash Of The Titans, Green Lantern, or Last Airbender, but it's close. The pacing here is even worse than in Three Musketeers. It's two hours 12 minutes, but feels closer to three hours. But almost all the blame can be laid at Andrew Stanton's feet. His direction is realy crappy and he "helped" with the marketing that killed the film.

 

Why was Ciaran Hinds in this? Why does it feel like he's in everything? Grade: C-

 

Next-up: The Vow!

Head Razz is right that the marketing team really sucked dead elephant dicks. As a kid who grew up reading the original Burroughs books, what I saw on the screen was a let-down (just as I was let down by the Johnny Weissmueller movies/Ron Ely Tarzan Movies/TV shows). But then, I also read Lowell/Wells/Bradbury books, I was fascinated seeing Mars in my telescope, thinking that Ray Walston was up there. But, that's how I felt as a kid. 

Nowadays, youngsters have no clue about the original Burroughs books. Maybe this would have made more sense if Bob Clampett had found the financing to do his animated John Carter feature back in the 30s/40s.