9.) Sheri Moon Zombie: Mrs. Rob Zombie wasn't too bad in the first one, but she's really bad here. The only reason she seems to be in this is because Rob needs to point out how hot is wife is. We get that he's the ugliest director to have a hot wife since Tim Burton lived in Lisa Marie's cleavage, but at least he wrote actual roles for her.

 

8.) The gore: The amount of gore is up from the last one, which is kind of impressive when you consider that there's less kill scenes in this. If only he put more effort into the story. Another thing that could use improvement is...

 

7.) The kill methods: Most of the kill scenes just involve Michael stabbing someone a billion times or shoving them into a wall a dozen times and then some blood squirts out. After a while, it gets VERY boring.

 

6.) Michael eats a dog: After watching both of Rob Zombie's Hallowen abortions, it's clear that Zombiedoesn't understand what made the first one so good. The biggest example of him not getting it is easily this scene. All he seemed to notice about the original was that Michael ate a dog offscreen. He probably thought that John Carpenter was being a pussy. So, we get a scene where Michael cuts a dog open and proceeds to eat it. The scene is juxtapositioned with Brad Dourif's character saying that humans were meant to eat meat and considering that Zombie's a vegetarian probably means that this is some ham-fisted sort of social commentary.

 

5.) Malcom McDowell: McDowell is just awful here. It seems like he was turned into an expy of Zombie himself, peddling violent sh*t to the idiotic masses. Until the end of the movie, he doesn't seem to have much of an effect on the movie.

 

4.) The opening dream sequence fake-out: You DON'T make the entire first part of the movie a dream. Any sane director would change this, but it's been established that Zombie is either insane, a moron, or both.

 

3.) The "symbolism": There's a lot of fake symbolism here. For example, Michael has regular visions of his mom on a white horse. In another, there's several aristocrats that have pumpkins for heads. No, it doesn't make any God-damn sense and it doesn't have anything to do with anything else in the movie. Just Rob Zombie doing more drugs than a human should. Then again, he is... more human than human. (Puts on sunglasses CSI: Miami style. Yeah!)

 

2.) Scout Taylor-Compton: There is absolutely nothing redeeming about her in any way here. She may be cute to look at, but her voice is so annoying and her personality so revolting that it negates. She definitely WILL make your head explode Scanners style!

 

1.) Rob Zombie's directing, writing, and hatred of normal people: It's been established that he can't direct or write to save his life from reading the above points, but his hatred of normal people takes itself to new stomach-churning, revolting, repulsive, disgusting, tasteless levels! The first new characters we see are two ambulence drivers who contemplate necrophilia. At most, there's four decent people in the movie: the daughter of a redneck who beats up Michael for squating in his barn, a security guard in the dream part, and Dourif and Harris' characters. Both of the women and the security guard are horribly murdered and Dourif is left emotionally shattered.

 

There's one intersting note before I finish off the review. Watching this caused me to formulate my Rotten Asshole grade. Films that were given F's that I deemed bad enough were given retroactive Rotten Asshole's. Grade: Rotten Asshole

 

Next-up: Trespass!

 

*I know that Myers ate a dog in the first one, but it wasn't shown because it wasn't needed.

Kurt Angle, circa 2000?