Ron Perlman: This isn't so much about his performance, but more about the fact that I like him and am glad that he gets money to do things that he likes.

 

And that's about it for the good.

 

 

Nicolas Cage's hair: I'll have terrible things to say about his acting in the ugly, but, for now, let's take about his terrible hair. It's crappy, mangy, and ugly to look at. Much like Hulk Hogan, Nic just needs to admit that he's bald.

 

Clare Foy: One of the worst supporting actresses of the year doesn't do credit to her performance. She was so bad, that I actually hoped that someone would burn her at the stake.

 

The CGI-wolves: They're CGI is pretty bad, but it's got nothing on CGI-demon at the end of this god-forsaken abombination. I have them in the bad because, while they may look crappy, they do bad things to the actors without looking as terrible as the demon.

 

 

The script: Jesus, was this written with a magic marker? This is so bad, that I'd like to apologize to all the other bad screenplays I've insulted because they have no hope of reaching this in badness. This doesn't mean I'm letting Ehren Krueger, Allan Loeb, and f*cker Greg Berlanti off the hook; I'm just saying that their sins aren't as big as this one's.

 

The CGI-demon: This is easily the worst special effects creation of the year. Those flying-squirel aliens from I Am Dumber Four Watching this? They're practicully a species from Pandora compared to that thing! The District 9 knock-offaliens from Battle: LA? They're H.R. Giger's creations compared to that!

 

And now, the biggest offender from the worst movie of 2011... NICOLAS CAGE!!!: Seriously, this is Nic's worst acting that doesn't involve a bear-suit. I know that he needs money, but he should just let go of some of it. Seriously, why do you need a f*cking castle? That's just f*ck you money right there. Also, rangle your son in. He's making an ass of himself. He looks like a terrible Metalocalypse cosplayer. Unless, you're paying him off to act like an idiot to distract everyone from you're bad movie choices. Well, I've seen though your plan Cage!

 

Wow, that was a biggie. Can there be a movie that can match Season Of The Witch in stupidity? Well, I haven't seen Zoopkeeper yet and Jack And Jill is still on the horizon, but still. Grade: F, as in uck this movie!

 

Also, if you enjoyed my deranged theories about Weston Cage's behavior, wait 'till I get around to seeing The Undefeated and my Sarah Palin theories will flow like a salmon in a river.

 

(Note: my Robot Chicken quote about Joel Schumacher will be returning to my sig. Upcoming movies on DVD will be listed as upcoming reviews.)