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a.k.a. I Was a Teen-Aged Were-Hunk...

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HeadRAZZBerry View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote HeadRAZZBerry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: a.k.a. I Was a Teen-Aged Were-Hunk...
    Posted: November 16 2009 at 4:10am

WE KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT NEW MOON IS ABOUT AS IMPERVIOUS to CRITICISM AS a MOVIE CAN GET -- AFTER ALL, 11-YEAR-OLD GIRLS WHO "MOONED" OVER BEDROOM POSTERS of ROBERT PATTINSON and TAYLOR WHOOZ-IT SHIRTLESS for 14 MONTHS, BREATHLESSLY AWAITING THIS VAMPIRES 'n' WEREWOLVES EQUIVALENT of a HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SEQUEL, WEREN'T ABOUT to LISTEN to ANYONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE IT AS MUCH AS THEY DO...

BUT WERE WE the ONLY ONES WHO NOTICED the TRAILER, PRINT ADS and ALL of the FILM's PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS LOOK LIKE ONE of THOSE HARLEQUIN ROMANCE NOVELS (with FABIO HAFF-NEKKID on the COVER) -- EXCEPT AIMED at HORMONE-RAVAGED PRE-PUBSCENT GIRLS??

IN OTHER WORDS, WE KINDA THOUGHT IT WAS ASKING to BE RAZZed. 

SO, WE COULDN'T RESIST GIVIN' THIS FILM's MAKERS WHAT THEY WERE BEGGING FOR!  

AND SO CAN YOU BELOW -- SINK YER TEETH IN...and ENJOY!


KRISTEN (Thinking to Herself): "Damnit! His hair extensions look better than mine..."

TAYLOR (Thinking to Himself): "Man, I am gonna get me SO much Jailbait Tail once this thing's released..."

GUY on LEFT (Thinking to Himself): "Okay, when the lights come up, maybe I can bolt for the exit before they can ask me what I rilly thought..." 

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Headbanger14 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Headbanger14 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 16 2009 at 11:13am

UGH...first vampires, now werewolves. And not just werewolves - horrble CGI werewolves! What's next? Zombies with acne? OH NOES!

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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviewizguy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 16 2009 at 11:47am
Going to see this probably on Saturday night. My mom is actually excited to see it along with my brother. Now, our family defies stereotypes!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 16 2009 at 12:54pm
... I'm not sure exactly how you defy stereotypes, but I am curious as to why Kristin Stewart is sitting next to a young Jon Stewart in that picture.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 16 2009 at 6:24pm

I just want to point out that the major selling point of this movie is a teenaged boy toy running around while shirtless ... whenever he's not turning into a crappy CGI werewolf (on par with the crappy CGI stuff from "GI Joe"). Add on to that, jail bait Bella Swan having to choose between a vampire and this werewolf as her lover.  

And women of all ages eat this sh*t up with a spoon?!

W ... T ... F?!

 

"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)
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Post Options Post Options   Quote movieman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 17 2009 at 9:57am

The reason the books (barely) worked for me was not because of the whole vampire/werewolf mythology, but because Bella's narration of the story was engaging and involving enough to keep me interested. In fact, the first few chapters of Twilight, when the story is just being set up and everything is new to Bella, are the most engaging, . Once the romance really starts to heat up, things get less interesting.

The problem with the movies is that Bella only narrates every so often, and once you actually see the book's events on screen, you feel embarrassed to admit that you were somehow engaged by a story so flaccid and banal. Take for example the scene in the trailer where Bella races to stop Edward from showing his "sparkly skin" to the public before the Volturi come after him to kill him. If you think that sounds weird from reading my version of it, just imagine how bizarre it will be to see on film. I dare you not to laugh!   

Some stories are meant to be experioenced only on paper. After seeing the first movie and the ads for its sequel, it seems to me that Twilight is definitely one of them. 

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Post Options Post Options   Quote RoadDogXVIII Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 17 2009 at 1:56pm
WE KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT NEW MOON IS ABOUT AS IMPERVIOUS to CRITICISM AS a MOVIE CAN GET

Truer words have never been spoken.

By the way, I want to bring up some interesting points: I listened to some of Kristen Stewart's interviews, and I'm still befuddled as to how someone who seems as intelligent as her would want to get involved in films of this "magnitude." But I imagine that's what everyone said about Beyonce' and Mariah Carey before they sold out to consumer America -- now all of their music reeks of boy-crazy lyrics and overproductivity. I guess Stewart's another sellout like them? 

Also, I know this girl who works at a gentlemen's club (as an exotic dancer). And, well, she likes the Twilight books herself, and brought up an interesting point: They're all about a social outcasts. But you know what, that could've made the material accessible for almost anyyone. And when you insert all that emo stuff (bad attitude towards parents, and even disregard for guys who aren't hunks) you basically have a series of stereotypical 'tween novels for spoiled brats, that somehow became popular.

Finally, there's only two reviews on NEW MOON so far, and they're both positive. But Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had positive first reviews, then plummeted faster than Aubrey O'Day.

P.S. I don't know why I threw her in there. But there's alot of jokes made at her expense at Egotastical -- Good website if you want to check out uber-hot celebrities!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2009 at 2:01am

Yeah, you gotta love how the media likes saying "films of this MAGNITUDE" -- What magnitude? The only magnitude I see behind this movie is all the over-hyping in every form of media everywhere I turn.

Yeah, like 30 years from, this series will be on par in popularity with the likes of  "Star Wars" or "Star Trek"! It's called "flavor of the month" people!

 

"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2009 at 6:15am
Right now this is hanging around in the mid-30's at RT with over 50 reviews in, that is probably a pretty representative sample and I'm guessing it'll end up +-5 points of its current level. This is a flavor of the month fad, as Michaels noted. Those older than the target audience are never going to buy into it, the present fans will outgrow it and those younger will find something else. We don't need to Razz it...time will pas the harshest judgement and leave it forgotten.
Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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Post Options Post Options   Quote RoadDogXVIII Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2009 at 1:09pm

I can't believe it: 28%! That makes my life a little less stressful. Someone knock some sense into Kristin Stewart, and convince her to do some indie films, rather than try to be some Miley Cyrus-like media whore who flaunts her fame. And she knows she's doing it -- don't buy the fakeness!

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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2009 at 2:22pm

Critical opinion will undoubtedly have NO effect on this movie. All of the 30-40 something ladies I know who saw this were still thoroughly (and inexplicably) satisfied.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Berrynoia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 19 2009 at 2:52pm

No doubt...in fact, they say you could wipe out 98% of the teen girl population by putting the dialogue line "Breathing is Uncool" into this movie. 

I wonder if Seltzer-Berg have already decided to do a Twilight spoof...??

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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviewizguy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 20 2009 at 12:35pm
BREAKING NEWS!

New Moon broke midnight records!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 20 2009 at 3:00pm

That's really not shocking news. Come on, you'd have to be living under a rock for the past year not to think this movie wasn't going to be an overnight success.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviewizguy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 20 2009 at 3:19pm
This is shocking news -- I wouldn't ever have thought this could beat The Dark Knight, nor the midnight record-holder, HP6.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 20 2009 at 4:15pm

Evidently it is going to have some legs. We went to the movies tonight and the lines for New Moon were huge. I haven't seen lines like that since the first Harry Potter movie, and it wasn't exclusively 11 year-old girls. Critical response hasn't been overwhelming but it's a bit higher than we'd normally consider and there definitely is an audience...a BIG audience and this is going to pull impressive numbers.  As I've been noting all along, this one probably just isn't one of ours, and the best thing we can do is ignore it and let it die a lonely death when it's audience finds something else to become enamored with...the guess here is that will happen around the time the third installment is released.

Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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