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Battleship ... The Movie?!

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Michaels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Battleship ... The Movie?!
    Posted: September 15 2009 at 3:42pm

The stop-motion TV series "Robot Chicken" once made a joke that Hollywood had become so drained of original ideas that they"d adapt ANYTHING into a movie -- Novels, old TV series, comic books, video games, even amusement park rides. So they joked the only thing left was to adapt board games, like "Hungry, Hungry Hippos: The Movie".

Four of five years later, rumors are spreading that director Peter Berg is going to make a movie adaptation of "Battleship" for 2011. A movie adaption ... of Battleship ... the Hasbro board game.

wetbandit, I hope you're hard at work writing those screenplays of yours, because the world of entertainment is taking a nose dive and is going to crash and burn any day now without GOOD, ORIGINAL material. 

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Sadly, the notion of basing movies on toys and boardgames has become a full-fledged trend in Hollywood. Here's a LINK to read an L.A. Times article discussing the overall subject, and listing several specific "toy-inspired" movies that are now in the works...

 

"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)
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saturnwatcher View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 17 2009 at 2:07am

That sounds like a rivoting 90 minutes of film. Two geeks sitting face to fact at a table, seperated by their blue and red game boards:

Geek One: A-12

Geek Two: Miss...G-7

Geek One: Hit! Your mama swims after troop ships!

 

I can't wait.

Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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Michaels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 17 2009 at 4:19am
Originally posted by saturnwatcher

That sounds like a rivoting 90 minutes of film. Two geeks sitting face to fact at a table, seperated by their blue and red game boards:

Geek One: A-12

Geek Two: Miss...G-7

Geek One: Hit! Your mama swims after troop ships!

I can't wait.

Yes, that was what first came to my mind, however, as it turns out, the movie will actually be about two real fleets of five navy ships doing battle with each other. At least this is one movie with an already created and well know tag line of "you sunk my battleship!".

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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 17 2009 at 1:12pm
There's really no other way to say this. I mean this fully and whole heartedly:

F#$% Hollywood.
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Michaels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 17 2009 at 4:36pm

Agreed with the "F#$% Hollywood" comment!

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Mayhem5185 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 17 2009 at 8:14pm
The thing that disappoints me the most about this, is the fact that Peter Berg is involved. He hasn't always been a consistent director, but he did direct Friday Night Lights, which is my all-time favorite football movie. The fact that he's actually doing this is sickening.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 18 2009 at 3:36am
I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I mean, I can't give any of these guys any money in good conscience. It's absolutely ridiculous how horrible movies are these days. I'm going to put my neck out there and say that this is the lowest point in H-Wood's history... This era of films, anyway. From like... what... probably 2k1 on or so.
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Michaels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 18 2009 at 6:30am
Yeah, 2k1 was the beginning of the end for movies. I used to respect H-Wood, but now, I see they have no soul any more. It's not about art or entertainment, it's all about what will make money, plain and simple, and it makes me sad. I love movies, but H-Wood is slowly killing that love.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 19 2009 at 11:13pm
Hey guys....let's not collapse into dispair here....after all, Barrel of Monkeys: The Motion Picture is probably already in the planning stages. If that can't revive Hollywood, nothing can.
Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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Michaels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 24 2009 at 3:31am

What's next, "7-Up: The Movie"?

In case none of you played that in grade school, it's when the classroom all puts their heads down and their thumbs up, and a select group of kids go around putting seven thumbs down, then you have to guess who it was that put your thumb down. I think you probably could drag that out into a 90 minute movie.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 24 2009 at 6:27am
They were just making fun of the Battleship movie on... ummm... I don't remember... Colbert or something. Yea, it was Colbert, because he brought in Jeff Goldblum. It was a really good bit, actually.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 24 2009 at 8:44am

I absolutely love Colbert, but when a movie that hasn't even started filming yet gets spanked on his show, somebody really ought to take a step back and ask themselves if it is a good idea.

I have to admit that there is a suggestion of a bad Twilight Zone episode to this film. Imagine for a minute that the movie centers on a protracted naval battle, and in the end, the camera pans out and we see that the whole thing was nothing more than a board game contest between two ten year-olds.

Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 24 2009 at 9:25am
The fact that it bases itself on a popular board game that leaves itself entirely without any sort of avenue for a plot, besides perhaps a naval battle where people make it a habit of shooting where they THINK the enemy without being able to see them. But otherwise, it's another example of Hollywood playing at something else's popularity to make money. If it ends up having artistic merit, it'll be completely cheapened by the mere method from which the movie is derived. I don't even care if it's good. I can't in good conscience support a movie like this. In fact, I think most people will probably see it for the same reason they saw Snakes on a Plane.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 24 2009 at 4:21pm

Yeah, the script would have to call for two fleets of five ships, none of which have radar, and they are randomly shooting at each other. You can't get a serious story out of that.

But hey, while we're at it, why not cast Keanu Reeves and Dane Cook as the leads, because calling out random letters and numbers is about all the good acting you can get out of either of them.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 25 2009 at 2:48pm

The point of fleets without radar isn't as difficult to get around as it might initially seem. The plot could simply be set in WWI, or in the near future suggesting that some sort of stealth technology for ships has been developed.

The U.S. Navy probably experimented with something along that line late in WWII, which is what the Philadelphia Experiment was really all about. All sorts conspiracy nuts have assigned various other weird notions to that particular project, but it really was an attempt to find a way to defeat radar and magnetic detection by mines and torpedos. It evidently failed miserably. Most the the details remain classified (probably because there is nothing worth telling that came out if it). What can be stated with absolute certainty, despite claims to the contrary, is that the ship did NOT accidentally get teleported anywhere, nobody traveled through time and THERE ARE NO FRIGGING DEAD OR ALIVE ALIENS AT GROOM LAKE OR WRIGHT PATTERSON SO STOP ASKING!!!!!

Incidentally, the Navy still officially denies that their ever was a "Philadelphia Experiment" or Project Rainbow as it is sometimes alternatively called.  The effort, as I've outlined above, most likely did take place, although it probably didn't involve the U.S.S. Eldridge or any other ship. The whole thing was probably a Larry Lightbulb experiment in some little navy lab. What actually took place will likely never see the light of day probably to protect the reputations of a few credulous individuals that thought they could actually make it work, but allow me to state with 100% certainty that all the wild stories are just that.

Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken
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Post Options Post Options   Quote dEd Grimley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 25 2009 at 3:17pm
But they can't do a WWI or WWII movie out of it, because there won't be nearly enough opportunity for special effects, which is likely the way they'll go about it to sell the movie.
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