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oiram View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote oiram Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Forum member reviews
    Posted: January 27 2014 at 6:44pm
I said that I did not feel the length in my review of it. It is in this same forum.
Elizabeth Hartman and Judith Barsi are more talented and beautiful than Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Grace Moretz. Fact.

Worst Supporting Actor: Brendan Fraser/Gimme Shelter and The Nut Job


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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 08 2014 at 11:58am
A MADEA CHRISTMAS (2013)

There are a lot of things wrong with A Madea Christmas and it's possibly the worst Madea movie to be put out by Tyler Perry. However, I will say this much for the film. Out of the five Worst Picture nominees, this one sucked the least. There were a few genuine laughs and some of the characters are very endearing. Still, those two good things can't save the rest of the cliché and stupid things in the movie. Let's take a look at "A Madea Christmas".

The film centers around A mother and daughter who don't really talk to each other. So the mother gest help from Madea (Tyler Perry) to pay her daughter a surprise visit to Alabama. Once they get there, high jinx ensues and secrets are revealed... and I can careless about all of those things. Yeah the big problem with A Madea Christmas is the story and the character are so cliché and so done to death. There's a Christmas carnival that nobody in the audience cares about. Chad Michael Murray's character is a jerk and we don't know why or how. A lot of the jokes and Gags done by Madea are either not funny or have been done before. It's just a huge mess that should've stayed as a play.

Well are there any good things about this movie? Well surprisingly yes. Call me Crazy but I actually really liked Larry the Cable Guy and the woman who plays his wife in the film. Whenever one or both of them on screen I laughed a lot and also found both their characters real and genuine. Yeah, I know he's been nominated for Worst Supporting Actor but really I don't know why. I guess you can make the argument he's just playing himself. In fact, I noticed he does that a lot in when he's in movies but really I can forgive him for that at least for this role.

Besides those two characters though, all the other people in this movie are so boring and really are just cardboard cut outs. Along with all that nonsense, the film tries to explore a rather interesting concept, reverse racism. Which I know is kind of a controversial concept, but the film handles it okay I guess. It could've been a lot worse, like a "Movie 43" level if you know what I mean. Before I forget, I also need to mention Tyler Perry is the most annoying person in this movie. Which is strange because usually the Madea character is either funny or just a whacky character that comes off okay. But in this, Madea comes so close to being just as annoying as Jill Sadelstein (yep, I went there). Whenever "she" was on screen, I wanted to throw my popcorn at the screen and tell "her" to shut up.

So yeah, A Madea Christmas is a pretty bad flick. The characters are boring, the writing is weak, the acting ranges from okay to nails on a chalk board annoying and the story overall is very cliché. However there are a few funny moments and touching moments. Larry The Cable Guy is funny as hell in this and yeah I might get a little backlash saying that but I really don't care. A Madea Christmas is still bad, but it's not as terrible as "After Earth or Movie 43.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 08 2014 at 1:48pm
I don't know what you mean.
Originally posted by moviecritic1994

It could've been a lot worse, like a "Movie 43" level if you know what I mean.

Depends. Do you find Larry The Cable Guy to be funny in his other movies? What about his stand-up?
Originally posted by moviecritic1994

Larry The Cable Guy is funny as hell in this and yeah I might get a little backlash saying that but I really don't care.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 08 2014 at 2:01pm
The only other movie I seen of Larry's was Health Inspector. Again, he plays himself but the film seems more Obnoxious than A Madea Christmas.

As for the subject of the "Movie 43 level of bad", I mean the subject material could've been taken way out of context and more offensive. But it wasn't. The only big complaint I have when it comes to that plot point/ theme of Reverse Racism is that the film doesn't dive deep into it. Almost as if halfway through the writers realized they didn't know what the hell they're talking about and just ended the thread as quickly as possible.   
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 08 2014 at 6:35pm
A Madea Christmas is the only Worst Picture nominee this year that I haven't seen. Out of curiosity, did you see it in theaters or is it on YouTube already?

Side-note: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector is one of the most baffling movie titles ever. Is he a cable guy or a health inspector?
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 09 2014 at 8:58am
I saw the film at a very cheap 5$ theater. It's one of those theatres where they play movies that aren't in other Major theatres anymore and about to be on DVD/Blu-Ray.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 5:28pm
TARZAN, THE APE MAN (1981)

Remember in my "Glitter" review how I said that movie was the first film to ever give me a headache? Well "Tarzan, The Ape Man" is the first to literally put me to sleep. Seriously, I must've dozed off like 2 or 3 times while watching this stupid movie. I haven't seen a movie so empty since The Bling Ring. It's really hard to really review this film properly because literally nothing happens in "Tarzan, The Ape Man". Nothing really works in it whether it be the idiotic writing, the atrocious acting, the crappy dialog or the flat as a board characters. Let's have an awkward look at a very awkward movie, "Tarzan, The Ape Man".

Jane (Bo Derek) finds her long lost father (Richard Harris) on a quest to find Hidden Secrets about an African Jungle. One of which happens to be a an Ape Man known as Tarzan. As Jane and Tarzan encounter each other, they grow a bond... I'm not sure what kind of bond it is but clearly they're close. Yeah you're probably just as confused as I am.

By the title, you would think this would be just an adaptation of the Tarzan Novel. However, if you were lucky to see the trailer as I was you can easily tell this film is just an excuse to have Bo Derek get naked. Really if this film wasn't so long it could easily join the fun bad movies I like to watch like Supergirl or The Room. Unfortunately, there are times when the film really drags and has constant stops and starts. There is literally a scene of Jane and Tarzan fighting an obvious rubber snake for 10 whole minutes. I would be okay with this if the fight was exciting or added something to the "story" but it just comes off as a huge waste of film.

Do I even need to say anything about the acting in this? In particular Bo Derek's? Yeah Pia Zadora is a terrible actress too but at least she can do two emotions somewhat properly. Bo pretty much does nothing but pose and moan erotically in the entire film. Whenever she says anything, I just don't believe the way she says her lines or how she delivers them. For instance, there's a scene where she is eating a banana (in the most erotic way possible) and tells Tarzan she's a virgin. Yeah, I'm going to call Bull Crap on that. I don't want to be mean here, but it's hard for me to believe Bo Derek as a virgin in this movie. I don't know if it's the way the character of Jane is acted or the way she's written but I have a hard time believing this character has no experience in anything sexual. I will say this, Richard Harris' acting is hilarious. I would almost say he's the male counterpart of Faye Dunaway. Whenever he spoke or yelled at the top of his lungs I would just laugh out of nowhere.

I would say the huge issue with the film is the fact that it's so boring. Supposedly, Tarzan, The Ape Man is an "adventure" film. Excuse me, but where the hell is the adventure? For more than half the movie, we see nothing but people walking through a boring jungle and camping out somewhere to have stupid dialog about fear or whatever. Even the scenes with Tarzan and Jane together are pretty boring. They don't even have sex they pretty much just elude to it without doing the deed. Which leads to another issue with the film, these two morons don't belong together! Really is their relationship only going to be all about sex? There's an obvious language barrier and it's quite maddening to think you two will do nothing but bone each other while you look into each other's eyes awkwardly.

As much as I bash this film "Tarzan, The Ape Man" is not the worst movie I ever seen. I would say "Mommie Dearest" or "Glitter" would still be way more horrible than this movie. Still, that's not saying much. This is still a really awful film. The chemistry is not believable, the acting in general is not believable, the writing is completely off, the dialog is moronic and the characters are nothing but tools in a film that cannot ever be fixed. It doesn't matter how many times Bo Derek gets naked in this, she's still a bad actress and this is still dumb movie.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 5:37pm
Surprised you didn't mention the end credit scenes with Bo playing with the lion... while nude.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 5:40pm
Again, Bo Derek is pretty much nude in the entirety of the 2nd half of the film. It would just be redundant
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 6:03pm
She was nude throughout most of the movie, but the fact that it was with a lion creeped me out. It's supposed to be hot, but it was just disturbing.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 6:08pm
A lot of women call themselves "virgins" until sex with penetration, even if they'd done other stuff. Oh, and there are some who call themselves "virgins" until they get an orgasm, no matter what they had done.
Originally posted by moviecritic1994

I have a hard time believing this character has no experience in anything sexual.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 21 2014 at 6:20pm
Well Jane clearly states she's "never even touched a man" before Tarzan. Either she's lying or she's just as inexperienced as Bucky Larson
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 22 2014 at 3:03pm
I've got something big planned for the summer. For several releases, I'll review a related film the day before it comes out in theaters. Here's my schedule so far:

May 15: Roland Emmerich's Godzilla

May 22: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

June 19: The Purge

June 26: Transformers '86

July 10: Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes

July 17: The Matrix Revolutions

August 7: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

There'll probably be reviews in between them.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote oiram Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 22 2014 at 3:07pm
You should probably review some of the Hercules movies (possibly including The Legend of Hercules) in preparation for Hercules: The Thracian Wars.
Elizabeth Hartman and Judith Barsi are more talented and beautiful than Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Grace Moretz. Fact.

Worst Supporting Actor: Brendan Fraser/Gimme Shelter and The Nut Job


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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 22 2014 at 3:24pm
I was contemplating doing The Legend Of Hercules for Brett Ratnor's Hercules, but it's not definite yet. I only like to plan out reviews of movies I've already seen. For example, back in 2011 I promised reviews of the Conan The Barbarian remake and Final Destination before I saw them. However, they didn't work out because the theater showing Conan broke down and I ended up liking Final Destination 5.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 22 2014 at 3:48pm
What do you mean? You did review CONAN.
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