Official RAZZIE® Forum Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General MOVIE & DVD Discussions > Movies in General...
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed: Forum member reviews
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Calendar   Register Register  Login Login

Forum member reviews

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <12345 36>
Author
Message
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Forum member reviews
    Posted: June 24 2012 at 7:34pm
Time to rip into Return To The Blue Lagoon, one of the most pointless sequels ever. It's notable only for starring Milla Jovovich. She got a Worst New Star nod for this and she's one of the only nominees to have an actual career.
 
The scenery in the movie is beautiful. It's not as good as the first one's scenery, which actually got a Best Cinematography nod. I'm only mentioning it so I don't have another review with no good section.
 
Brian Krause is terrible as the movie's Christopher Atkins character. He has no chemistry with neither Jovovich nor Sylvia Hilliard, a red herring/romantic false lead. If you're wondering how she gets to the island, wait for the next paragraph. Jovovich is bland in her second movie role. She plays the Brooke Shields of the movie. It's kind of funny too watch at times because her character is a weakling who needs Krause to protect her. If this was made today, she would pulled out a machinegun and blew away the bad guys.
 
Director William A. Graham is massively inept. The script is horrible. I checked Wikipedia, and despite the Blue Lagoon novel having a couple of sequels, this movie is mostly a crappy "original" story. Late in the movie, a group of pirates invade the island and the captain brings his daughter, who's Sylvia. Literally, they only exist for conflict and have no motivation. A half-assed fight sequence happens and then one of the sailors is eaten by a shark. Yawn. And it wouldn't be a Blue Lagoon movie without creepy child sexuality.
 
The only reason that Lifetime Movie Network showed this (and the first one) is because the made a new version that stars Razzie winners Denise Richards and the aforemented Christopher Atkins. Grade: F
 
Next-up: Man On A Ledge!!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 15 2012 at 7:22pm
Time for Jurassic Park, one of my favorite movies and books. Instead of talking about what's good, bad, and really bad about the movie, I'm doing something different. I'll go over one part of the movie/book and which does it better.
 
Alan Grant: This is Sam Neill's iconic role. When someone brings up Sam Neill, you'll probably think of him with a blue shirt and a red hankerchief. Spielberg didn't change up the role too much with one exception: in the book Grant likes the kids, while he doesn't care for them at first in the movie. This makes it more important that he's protecting them. This would put the ball in the film's court, but there's an awesome scene in the book were he jumps on a velocioraptor's back and injects her with poison. Winner: draw.
 
Ellie Sattler: Much like Grant, there's not a lot of differences between the book and screen characters, so there's not a lot to discuss. But, Sattler gets a lot more to do in the film. In the book, it's Grant who turns the power back on. This, and the fact that all the characters in the book have a semi-creepy attraction to her, gives the film the win. Winner: film.
 
Ian Malcolm: One of the changes for the better in the film was toning down Malcolm. Sure, he did a lot of ranting in the movie, but in the book 99% of his dialogue was ranting. And, since he was an avatar for Michael Crichton, he was given a lot of screentime. Not helping the book's case, Jeff Goldblum knocked it out of the park with his performance. Winner: film.
 
John Hammond: This is easily the biggest change in the adaptation. You may remember Hammond being a charming Walt Disney type in the movie. Well, in the book, he's a cold-hearted, narcissistic douche who gets eaten alive by compys. This causes a bit of a problem. See, all the safety problems in the book can by chalked up to Hammond (and, by extension, everyone else at InGen) being so egomaniacal to assume that they can control dinosaurs. In the movie, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Winner: book.
 
Lex and Tim: Michael Crichton had a lot of skills. One of them wasn't writing tolerable children. The kids are grating in the book, expecially Lex. At several points, she says "aminals". She's, also, a lot younger in the book. Winner: film.
 
Robert Muldoon: In the film, Muldoon is a massive disappointment. He gets so much build-up and then he gets killed by velocioraptors. This can by chalked up to Spielberg's anti-gun beliefs. I wouldn't have a problem with this except when a gun is needed in the film, like here. I can see not wanting guns in E.T. since that's for kids, but if you're on an island full of hungry dinosaurs, you need a gun. In the book, Muldoon is in the same situation, except instead of dying, he crawls into a drainpipe and shots any raptor that comes by. Winner: book.
 
Donald Gennero/Ed Regis: If any non-book reader is wondering who Ed Regis is, I'll explain. In the book, Regis was essentially Gennero. He acted like a tool, he was a creep, and a coward who abandons the kids. He has a humiliating death, like Gennero. This is a shame because Gennero was a brave character in the book. He went with Muldoon when he looked for the kids, helped him tranq the T-rex, and survives a velocioraptor attack! Winner: book.
 
The dinosaurs: When it comes to the T-rex, the film is the clear winner. He kicked ass, stole scenes, and saves the day, kinda. In the book, he stops being relevent to the plot halfway through. With the velocioraptors, it's a different story. As cool as they were in the film, the book raptors are better. They showed more intelligence and are scarier. The reveal that they've escaped is done better in the book. In the movie, we learn that they've escaped when we see the bars on their enclosure are bent upon. In the book, we learn that they've escaped when a juvenile ambushes Grant when he's fixing the power. Winner: draw.
 
"Life will find a way": The only really negative thing about the film is how it completely fumbles this part. In the film, life doesn't find a way until Newman turns off the fences. In the book, life finds its way before the book had even started. The beginning of the second film was actually in the first book. And it happened in Costa Rica. They're breeding at an alarming rate in the book. There's a scene in the book, where they learn the counting method of the park is inept. It looks for the expected number of dinosaurs and stops. When Malcolm tells them to look for a higher number of dinosaurs, they learn about their breeding. Winner: book.
 
Total: book-6, movie-5
 
Winner: book.
 
Next-up: The Three Stooges!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 01 2012 at 4:56pm

It's for Horror Movie Month 2!!! The inaugural movie is Troll, a movie more famous for its sequel than its actual content. Still, there's enough to make fun of with this.

 

I actually liked the animatronics in this. This could be my preference for animatronic effects shining through though. It works better for the actors, they can actually see what they're supposed to be reacting to. I did like the character of Eunice too. She's interesting and there's a nice casting gag: she's played by June Lockhart and when she turns herself younger, she's played by her daughter Anne Lockhart. I also liked Torok, the title character. He has some good scenes and is smarter than most movie villains.

 

Noah Hathaway is bland as the main character named, I sh*t you not, Harry Potter. Hathaway's mostly known for playing Artex in The NeverEnding Story and for good reason. There's a couple of weird appearances here. Sonny Bono shows up as a Quagmire type who gets turned into a mythical creature. A pre-Seinfeld Julia Louis-Dreyfus shows up as another neighbor. She gets turned into a wood nymph.

 

Harry Potter's dad, Harry Potter Sr., is one of the most annoying characters in film history. In one particularly weird scene, he rocks out to Blue Cheer's sh*tty cover of Summertime Blues. Jenny Beck is pretty bad as both Wendy AND Torok in Wendy form. Also, the parents don't seem to notice that she was replaced with a troll. Either she's a bad little girl or the writer's an idiot. I'm gravitating towards option two.

 

The director of this thinks that JK Rowling ripped him off. Yes because JK Rowling would have heard of this movie. Grade: C

 

Next-up: The 9 "best" things about Troll 2!!!

 

 

I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 02 2012 at 6:59pm
It's time for Troll 2, a movie that needs no introduction. The format for the review, on the other hand, does. Since this is my first top 9 list/review since I joined Twitter, here's the lowdown: I usually list the 9 worst things about a movie, but since Troll 2 is so hilariously inept, I'm doing the 9 "best" things about it.
 
9.) The lack of actual trolls: For reasons unknown to anyone, they called a movie with goblins Troll 2. Now turning unrelated scripts into a sequel isn't uncommon. For example, Die Hard With A Vengeance wasn't originally a Die Hard movie. But, the makers of Die Hard With A Vengeance actually made that tie in with Die Hard. There's no connection between Troll and Troll 2. The original Troll wasn't a mega hit. Hell, no one would give a crap about it if Troll 2 didn't exist.
 
8.) Drew's quest for milk/Sheriff Gene Freak: One of the weirdest things about Troll 2 is the milk subplot. Eliott's friend Drew goes on an oddly homoerotic quest for milk. Not helping is the fact that milk looks like a certain bodily function. Along the way he meets Sheriff Gene Freak and yes that's his name. His performance is hilariosuly over the top. He gets Drew to eat a Nilbog sandwhich and drink Nilbog milk and that's not helping with the creepy homoeroticism. BTW, the guy playing Gene Freak was a mental patient.
 
7.) Claudio Fragasso's direction: Part of the film's charm is that director Claudio Fragasso is convinced of its greatness. If you've seen Best Worst Movie you know that he thinks Troll 2 is on par with Gone With The Wind. Apparantly, the scriptwriter (his wife) doesn't speak English well and the script had several weird grammer errors. Hilariously, Fragasso made the cast read the lines as written, grammer errors included.
 
6.) Credence Leonore Gielgud: Credence is a druid and the big bad of the film. The actress playing her just knows how dumb this movie is. Also, towards the end, she turns really hot and she has one of the most hilariously bad sex scenes in movie history. I won't go into details, but I'll say this: corn is involved.
 
5.) The goblins attack Arnold: This is the first time that we see the goblins in action. We previously see them in a story that Grandpa Seth is telling Joshua and in a dream scene. The scene is hilarious inits ineptitude. Arnold goes up to the goblins, apparantly thinking they're midgets in costumes, and tries to reason with them. The goblins respond by hucking a spear at him. Comedy gold.
 
4.) Joshua (and his double decker baloney sandwhich) V.S. Credence: In the film's climax Joshua is able to defeat Credence and her goblin army by eating a double decker baloney sandwhich. Yes really. What else can I say that's funnier than that?
 
3.) Joshua pisses on hospitality: Despite his father not allowing it, Josh pees on the goblin food so his family won't eat it. See, if they eat it, they'll turn into plants and then the goblins will eat them and Claudio Fragasso's drug dealer is a very rich man.
 
2.) Grandpa Seth: Grandpa Seth is awesome. He can stop time, he tells Joshua to piss on hospitality, throw lightning bolts, pwn goblins with an ax, hand out double decker baloney sandwhiches, and he makes a nice molotov cocktail. But, his crowning moment of awesome occurs when he pimp slaps a goblin.
 
1.) "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me!": Oh my Gooooooood!
 
This is my niece's favorite movie. That's not a joke. Quality grade: F. Entertainment grade: A+
 
Next-up: The 9 "best" things about Birdemic!!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 03 2012 at 3:51pm
Time for Birdemic, one of the most hilarious movies to ever exist. It's not as hilriously bad as Plan 9 or Troll 2, but that's like yelling at Looper for not being Citizen Kane.
 
9.) The songs: There's several songs in here that are just hilarious in their stupidity. The most hilarious are the ones that rip-off more popular songs. There's the rip-off of Vangelis' Chariots Of Fire them and the Imagine rip-off called Imagine Peace. Hilariously, Imagine Peace is played over a sex scene.
 
8.) The "orthologist": An ornithologist is featured in the movie. The funny part is that he calls himself an orthologist. An orthologist is someone who uses word correctly. That's too hilarious to not mention.
 
7.) Ramsey's guns: During the film, the main characters Rod and Nathalie come across a young couple named Ramsey and Becky. Ramsey is a former marine tired of all the killing. However, Ramsey has a sh*t load of pistols and a loaded M4 in his truck. And, considering how much the guns get used in the film, enough ammo to give Ted Nugent an orgasm. Why does he have the guns if he's sick of the killing?
 
6.) The doves: At the very end of the film, it looks like Rod and Nathalie are going to be killed by the egales and vultures. Then, a bunch of crappy looking doves come out of nowhere to save the day. Deus ex machina!
 
5.) The bus scene: There's a scene where the birds attack a bus full of civilians. It's up to Rod and Ramsey to save the day! Except they fail miserably and the birds douse the civilians and Ramsey with acid and they die. Diabolus ex machina! One hilarious part is that when Ramsey and Rod are shooting the birds, Ramsey doesn't hit anything and Rod seems to never miss. Ramsey had the M4 and Rod had a pistol. So a tech salesman with a pistol is a better shot than a former marine with a machine gun. Maybe Ramsey left the army not because of him have to kill people, but because everyone else was killing people and his aim sucked.
 
4.) The tree-hugger: Towards the end of the movie the main characters come across a tree hugger named Tom Hill. He reveals why the birds are attacking everyone. Then he has to go... he hears a mountain lion.
 
3.) The fumbled green aesop: When you're making a film about how you shouldn't piss of Mother Nature, it's best to make sure it makes sense. An important thing is have a protagonist that who pollutes and then learns the error of his ways. Like the faux-Dick Cheney in The Day After Tomorrow. Rod invents cheap solar power, thinks that An Inconvenient Truth is a great date movie, and has a hybrid Mustang. He's a massive mary sue who doesn't need to learn anything. This not only makes him a bland character, but it derails the green aesop. Also, there's some executives in the film and since most executives in a movie with a green aesop are usually amoral assholes on par with a Captain Planet villain, you'd expect them to be polluters. But, no: they like Rod's idea and would have implemented it if the birds didn't attack. In fact, I didn't notice anyone polluting in this movie. If you're making a movie about the evils of pollution and don't put any polluters in it, you're just making Mother Nature look like a bitch. Also, it's important to actually know what pollution will do. I'm 99% sure that global warming won't turn eagles and vultures into crappy gifs who vomit acid.
 
2.) The gif birds: If you've seen clips of Birdemic on YouTube or The Soup, you've seen how hilarious the birds look in this. Also, pay close attention to the background. Sometimes you can see actual birds flying around, not attacking.
 
1.) James Nyugan: Remember a few months ago when Snopp Dogg claimed that he's the reincarnation of Bob Marley even though he was alive when Marley died? I'm going to make a similar claim about Birdemic director James Nyugan: he's the reincarnation of Edward D. Wood Jr.! Sure Nyugan was 12 when Wood died, but the parellels match too perfectly to ignore. They use whatever they can get ahold of in their films (the hubcap flying saucer in Plan 9, the coat hangers in Birdemic), insert themselves into their plots (Glen Or Glenda, Nyugan is a tech salesman IRL) , they have no talent, and they are both completely oblivious to that fact. Someone sarcastically asked Nyugan why Birdemic was so awesome and responded with "sincerity". And when audiences laughed at the line "man is the most dangerous animal on Earth", he thought they were applauding.
 
Apparantly, James Nyugan is making Birdemic II... in 3D!!! Quality grade: F. Entertainment grade: A
 
Next-up: The 9 "best" things about Shark Attack 3!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
Grounder the Critic View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: November 12 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 304
Post Options Post Options   Quote Grounder the Critic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 03 2012 at 5:48pm
Great review. To be honest, though I actually hated the Birdemic movie. Even before a user on YouTube, He11sing920, home of Reaction and Review, a movie, well, reaction and review, said it was terrible.
Pictures move, do they?
Back to Top
jesse685 View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: May 12 2011
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 541
Post Options Post Options   Quote jesse685 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 04 2012 at 3:18am
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

One hilarious part is that when Ramsey and Rod are shooting the birds, Ramsey doesn't hit anything and Rod seems to never miss. Ramsey had the M4 and Rod had a pistol. So a tech salesman with a pistol is a better shot than a former marine with a machine gun.
 
Next-up: The 9 "best" things about Shark Attack 3!
 
Once again, someone proves that pistols can be so overpowered in films as well as games.
 
And you're actually reviewing Shark Attack 3? Oi vey!
"If you can't make it good, make it 3D!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
F**k Yeah/WTF Were They Thinking Awards Results Live-Tweet @jesse685
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 04 2012 at 6:06pm
Time for Shark Attack 3: Megladon! When I said I was reviewing this, you all probably thought I was either insane or joking. If you thought it was option 1, you're right! Give yourself a cookie. Like my last two reviews, this'll be a 9 "best" things review.
 
9.) The stupidity shown in the yacht scene: During the climatic yacht scene, most of the passengers have the very bright idea to jump in the water. The water with a gigantic f*cking shark that's almost as old as Larry King. If they lived, they'd be getting their MENSA cards any day now. I should mention that specific parts of the yacht scene will wind up farther up the list.
 
8.) Mr. Tolley: Tolley is the villain of the film and God is he hilarious. In a total "for the evulz" moment, he knows about the sharks and STILL wants to build a deep sea cable. Also, I don't know a lot about the scientific community, but wouldn't discovering that a prehistoric species thought to be extinct was still alive gain you a lot of money. Tolley shows up later on the list too.
 
7.) The science: It's explained that the megladons survived by hiding in a deep sea vent. In the process of researching this review I discovered something: megladons were shallow water predators. This means that they wouldn't be anywhere near a deep sea vent! Also, how did no one find them? There's three megladons in the film, so there's probably more. Also, one of them is still alive at the end and it's a male, so he could make some more megladon babies.
 
6.) The special effects: When making a shark movie, how you create the shark is important. You could use a robot like Jaws, use CGI like Shark Night 3D, or use both like Deep Blue Sea. Shark Attack 3 uses a unique approach: stock footage and green screen! When a shark's about to eat someone, the person is awkwardly green screened behind the stock footage of a shark opening its mouth.
 
5.) The amusement park scene: There's one scene that never fails to confuse the f*ck out of viewers. In it, two Spanish people are drunkedly walking around an amusement park and fall in the water. Then some stock footage of a shark eats them. Then a woman with a mask walks by and takes her mask off. None of this has anything to do with the rest of the movie. Before I continue, I should mention that 75% of the rest of the review will talk about specific scenes from the yacht scene.
 
4.) The dick executive gets eaten: In one scene, a woman's about to jump off the yacht with a safety vest. Then, her dick executive boyfriend steals it and jumps in the water. Just as he's about to lands shark stock footage pops up and eats him!
 
3.) The raft gets eaten: There's an emergency raft full of people that gets eaten by the stock footage. That may not seem as funny as the last one, but the way its shot makes it funnier.
 
2.) "What's say I take you home and watch I Love Lucy?": Anyone who's seen this movie on TV is confused by this line. However, if you see this on DVD, you can hear the actual line, and it's hilariously crude. Here it is, whited out to preserve the minds of younger forum members. Viewer discretion adviced. What do you say I... take you home and eat your pussy.
 
1.) Tolley's death: If you've ever seen a best of Shark Attack 3 video on YouTube, you know about this. He's driving away on his little jet ski laughing evilly and then he sees the shark and flails his arms like a dumbass. Then he drives the jet ski into the shark's mouth! There's nothing I san say that's funnier than that.
 
Deep Blue Sea would make a good choice for horror movie month 2. But, it's going to be on Saturday. If me reviewing this doesn't make you think I'm insane, then tomorrow's review will. Quality grade: F. Entertainment grade: A-
 
Next-up: The Wicker Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
jesse685 View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: May 12 2011
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 541
Post Options Post Options   Quote jesse685 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 04 2012 at 8:02pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Next-up: The Wicker Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
OH F*CK!
"If you can't make it good, make it 3D!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
F**k Yeah/WTF Were They Thinking Awards Results Live-Tweet @jesse685
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 06 2012 at 8:13pm
After watching the best animated film of the year (Frankenweenie) I'm going to review a film with a plot right out of a cartoon. Deep Blue Sea is a ridiculous, poorly made film that I love the Hell out of.
 
If Deep Blue Sea is great at one thing, it's its kills. Stellan Skarsgard's death is ludicriously awesome. His arm is bitten off and he's put on an emergency helicopter because Renny Harlin has a helicopter fetish. Then the sharks down the helicopter! Then they take the gurney he was attached to and smash it into a window underwater, flooding the research facility. Also, when the helicopter explodes, it takes out the radio tower and the woman running it. I wouldn't mention it, but the runner by Janice Soprano, one of the most annoying characters in a great show ever. Of course, talking about deaths in Deep Blue See wouldn't be complete without Samuel L. Jackson's. Everything that could be said about it has. For a postive that doesn't relate to the deaths, the acting is decent. With one British accented exception, the cast does the best they can. The standouts are Tom Jane as a shark hunter and LL Cool J as the Bible quoting cook. LL Cool J's character was so well liked that the audience in the focus group testing were pissed that got he killed off in the original cut. Their reaction is why he survives in the final film.
 
The CGI in the film is mostly crappy. The explosions suck, but it's the shakrs that suck the most. Especially since the mechanical sharks are really good. Hilariously, Renny Harlin bet audiences to spot the difference between the CGI and anamatronics. And speaking him, his direction sucks. When the sharks aren't raising Hell, the films get really boring.
 
Saffron Burrows is a British accented exception. Her performance was so bad, that the focus group audience demanded she be killed. In the original cut, she lives while LL Cool J died. The script doesn't do here favors. Seriously, why would scientists think that making sharks super smart is a good idea? Also, there's a bunch of plot holes. Like, for example, why does the research station have a big window? The only reason it's there if for Skarsgard's (admittedly awesome) death scene. They try to explain by saying it belonged to the military, but that makes even less sense. Why would the military give their station a big, conspicuous window?
 
Is this the only example of focus testing making a movie better? Grade: C+
 
Next-up: Chernobyl Diaries!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 07 2012 at 7:40pm
Time to review Chernobyl Diaries, a film that wanted to cash in on the found footage genre without actually being a found footage movie.
 
The first part of the film has actual tension. They wander around Pripyat and we don't see anyone there (except for a moronic jump scare), but we can sense that something's there. However, when the mutants actually show up, the film sh*ts itself.
 
I mentioned a moronic jump scare in the last paragraph and here it is. While looking through an apartment complex, a bear charges them. That's right, a frickin' bear. After it charges them, it disappears from the film. In retrospect, this makes me like the first half less because it shows that the makers were aiming for the lowest common denominator and all the tension was an unintended consequence. The acting in this is crap. The only actor that has had anything resembling a career before this is pop singer Jesse McCartney. Yes, he's in this and he has a positviely bad subplot regarding him proposing to his girlfriend.
 
Remember how NBC got a lot of flack for not airing the tribute to the victims of that train bombing in the Olympics? That reminds me a lot about this movie. Making a slasher movie about a tragedy is disrespectful. Judging by the science in this film, the film makers did all the research from episodes of The Simpsons. Hell, there's a fish in the movie that looks just like Blinky! The make up effects are just crappy. Especially funny is the mutant baby. But, the thing that pisses me off the most about his film is the attempts to make the film look like a found footage film. I thought it actually was a found footage film until all the main characters were on-screen together. Soon, it becomes apparent that the only reason they made it look like a found footage film was to get away with using a crappy camera.
 
Does anyone else think that this only exists because of Modern Warfare? Grade: C-
 
Next-up: An American Werewolf In Paris!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
jesse685 View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: May 12 2011
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 541
Post Options Post Options   Quote jesse685 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 07 2012 at 7:55pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Does anyone else think that this only exists because of Modern Warfare?
A game from a franchise that got that right while its multiplayer is the same rehashed sh*t over again.
"If you can't make it good, make it 3D!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
F**k Yeah/WTF Were They Thinking Awards Results Live-Tweet @jesse685
Back to Top
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6754
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2012 at 9:51am
SchumacherH8ter, I'm interested in people's thoughts on the CHERNOBYL DIARIES' ending, because I didn't know how to feel about it. How about you?
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

But, the thing that pisses me off the most about his film is the attempts to make the film look like a found footage film. I thought it actually was a found footage film until all the main characters were on-screen together. Soon, it becomes apparent that the only reason they made it look like a found footage film was to get away with using a crappy camera.

I don't know. I would understand that from any filmmaker. But why would the creator of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY do that (yes, I know he didn't direct it)? I took as experimenting by mixing styles.
You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
Grounder the Critic View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: November 12 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 304
Post Options Post Options   Quote Grounder the Critic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2012 at 3:50pm
I know why people wanted to go see Chernobyl Diaries. It's because Olivia Taylor Dudley is in it, and she starred in a way better project than this...


Pictures move, do they?
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2012 at 7:44pm
To Vits: The end of Chernobyl Diaries wasn't really an ending. It's like the usual found footage ending as in it's abrupt. Unlike The Devil Inside however, there was no middle finger after the ending.
 
To Grounder: Where does that gif come from? I must know!
 
Now to review An American Werewolf In Paris!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2938
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 08 2012 at 8:28pm
An American Werewolf In London is a horror movie that I have great affection for. It had great make-up, music, and a great mix of comedy and horror. An American Werewolf In Paris has none of those things.
 
The only good thing about this is Julie Delpy. Yes, you read that right, the star of Before Sunrise and Three Colors: White is in this. She gives a good performance as Serafine, another werewolf. The film doesn't deserve her performance. Also, she shows her boobs.
 
The rest of the actors in the film suck. Tom Everett Scott is bland as Andy, the title werewolf. His performance can't compare to David Naughton's in the first one. And if he can't compare to Naughton, then guess how well future Epic Movie star Vince Vieluf compares to Griffin Dunne. Also on hand is future Modern Family star Julie Bowen as a Jim Morrison obsessed girl who gets turned into werewolf chow.
 
Anthony Waller wrote and directed this. He has no talent whatsoever. The worst thing about his script is the fact that Andy and Serafine are cured. The first one wasn't afraid to end on a downer note. This is symbolic of Waller not getting what made the first film so great. But, the ultimate example of him not getting it is the gratuitous CGI. The original film's make-up was so good that the Oscars made the Best Make-Up Oscar just to honor it. The transformation scenes in the original are still disturbing to this day thanks to the make-up. The transformation scenes in this are just stupid thanks to the CGI. Not helping things, it's not just the transformations that are CGI; all the werewolves are CGI. Also, the CGI is terrible, but you probably already guessed that.
 
It goes without saying that any film associated with Skinny Puppy (they're on the soundtrack) sucks. Grade: F
 
Next-up: The 9 worst things about Captivity!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Transcendence
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <12345 36>

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down