Official RAZZIE® Forum Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General MOVIE & DVD Discussions > Movies in General...
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed: Forum member reviews
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Calendar   Register Register  Login Login

Forum member reviews

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 34567 36>
Author
Message
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6814
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Forum member reviews
    Posted: October 26 2012 at 2:33pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Krendler ets his own brain. It's one of the most jaw-droppingly bad, unintentionally hilarious scenes in history. It made Cracked's 10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh list.
They've updated that list. It includes one of your favorite movies:

You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2012 at 5:02pm
Time for my triple review of Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Jaws 3-D, and Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday. Since this is the first type of this review that I've done, I'll explain my plans for it. I'll do three basic reviews with intros for each film, but I'll save the grades for the very end of the review.
 
Before I begin ripping into Blair Witch 2, I have a confession that may very well cost me my respect ariund these parts: I aboslutely love the first Blair Witch Project and consider it one of my favorite movies. But, it wasn't always like that. When I first saw it, I hated. Then I saw it again, and I hated it less, but still didn't like it. Then I saw it a third time, and I thought it was OK then. Then a saw it again and thought it was great. The last time I saw it was a few weeks ago where I decided I absolutely loved it. The sequel, on the other hand, gets worse every time I see it.
 
There's one scene that comes close to brilliance and that's the very first scene. It shows Burkittsville, the town from the first film, overrun by tourists looking for the Blair Witch. It's a funny parody of the first one. The whole movie should have been like this. It should have been about a bunch of idiotic teens going into the woods and dieing of starvation, videotaping themselves so they can be like the first one. After they're all dead, the actual Blair Witch should show up, laugh, and say it an evil voice: "Stupid kids. They make my job WAY easier." But, alas, the film goes in the opposite direction, by being a shameless rip-off of the first one, sans video footage.
 
The first major problem is the actors. They all suck horribly, with Kim Director being the worst. Say what you will about the actors in the first film, but at least you could buy them as teenagers stuck in the woods. The actors in this are nothing more than actors. You don't care about them and hope that they die. Another problem is the ambiguity of the characters. The film tries to make the characters' moral status ambiguious, but they fail miserably. It's obvious that they're killers. And we don't need to see reversed footage to know this.
 
Director Joe Berlinger shows no talent with narrative features. He's good with documentaries like the Paradise Lost series or Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster, but he falls on his face with this one. Another major problem is the executive meddling. Artisan wanted to make another Blair Witch while the iron was hot, while Haxan Films wanted to wait and make a good story before making it. Artisan ignored them and went ahead with what we have today. The biggest indicator of the movie's failings, however, comes from a source that you may not have noticed: the soundtrack. There was no soundtrack for the first one and it relied on its creepy atmosphere. The soundtrack for this is loud, sh*tty, and abrasive metal music. It's a good example of the dichotomy between the films. One's quiet and reserved and  makes the film creepier while the other is loud and makes the film silly.
 
Moving on, we have Jaws 3-D, a shameless cash-in with obvious 3-D, bad acting, and the fakest looking shark until 1987.
 
There's one well directed scene and that's the scene where the shark smashes through the observitory window. Sure, it's ruined by the special effects (this is the worst the shark looks in the movie) and the fact that the black guy gets eaten first makes me suspicious of the casting director, but, compared to the rest of the film, it's good for what it is.
 
Dennis Quaid is pretty bad in this. Amusingly, this came out the same year as The Right Stuff, which helped put Quiad on the map. Quaid isn't very proud of this; he once said this in an interview: "I was in Jaws what?" Lea Thompson isn't very good in her debut role. It's still better than Howard The Duck though. The actor playing Sean Brody is terrible. Let's check who he is. Okay, it's John Putch. Oh, he's a director too, let's see what he directed. Atlas Shrugged Part II.
Donald Sutherland pointing (Invasion of the Body Snatchers)
 
Joe Alves direction is terrible. Aside from that one scene mentioned above, he shows no flair for visuals or suspense. I checked imdb, and this was the first movie he ever directed. And the last movie he ever directed. As I mentioned several times in this review, the shark looks terrible. The story for this is terrible. How the f*ck did a 35 foot shark get into Sea World with no one noticing? However, there's an explanation for this: re-writes. See, the film was written by three people and one of the names should stick out: Carl Gottlieb, Richard Matheson, and Guerdon Trueblood. I think you can figure out the name that doesn't belong. The film changed concepts several times. Originally, the film was a parody that involved the shark eating people associated with the franchise, but Spielberg got it shut down. Killjoy. In one version, the 35 foot shark gets stuck in a lake, which makes more sense than Sea World. I'm not goy why I think they went with Sea World, but let's just say it rhimes with loduct racement.
 
The final movie I'm talking about today Jason Goes To Hell, the final Friday The 13th film (for a decade). Unlike the other two movies today, this film goes in a completely different direction compared to the other films in the franchise. However, the new plot is actually worse than the regular FT13th plots.
 
There's one incredibly awesome scene in here and it's the opening one. It shows a comely woman showering when Jason attacks her. However, this is a trap as commandos start shooting at Jason and succeed at killing him. This could have been an intersting idea if strecthed to feature length. It would turn the franchise forumla on its head. Instead of Jason hunting helpless teens, it would be a bunch of commandos hunting a helpless Jason.
 
But, the film doesn't go in that direction. In one of the dumbest scenes in Friday The 13th history, the coroner working on Jason sees that his heart is still beating and his idea is to eat it! What would compell him to do that? This allows Jason to possess him. From here the film turns into a demonic possession movie with some slashing violence thrown in. So, it's a rip-off of The Exorcist III. The film uses the Necronomonicon from the Evil Dead movies. This pissed off Sam Raimi and he demanded an adead dog eye pussgy from the makers. This doesn't have any bearing on anything. I just think that what Raimi said was awesome.
 
At the end of the movie, we see Jason's true form. And it's a rip-off of the Chestburster from Alien. Seriously, it looks dumb. There's one weird scene were Jason shaves the beard of a man that he's possessed. It only exists to pad time and shows how thin the script is. But, the main failing of the film is the same reason why Friday The 13th: A New Beginning sucked: the lack of Jason action. The thing that made people back in the '80s want to see the Friday The 13th films was Jason. They thought he was cool. He had an awesome mask, he had some great kills, he was nigh unstoppable, and he had a tragic past. Making a Friday The 13th film and not having Jason in it is just dumb. They assumed that it was the brand that got people in the seats, but it was actually Jason.
 
If any of you steals my Blair Witch Project parody idea, I'll be pissed. Grades: Blair WItch 2 and Jaws 3-D: F, Jason Goes To Hell: D
 
Next-up: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation!!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6814
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2012 at 5:24pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

the fact that the black guy gets eaten first makes me suspicious of the casting director
Dude, that's one of the main rules in Horror Movies.
You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 28 2012 at 9:26pm
Time for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, one of the weirdest and dumbest horror movies ever.
 
About the only thing I can recommend about this is the novelty factor of watching two future A-listers in a terrible horror sequel. Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey play a whiney high school student named Jenny and a cyborg, respectively. Since Matthew's last name is hard to spell, I'm going to type his character's name. It's Vilmer Slaughter. Yes, really. Both of them sued to try and supress this movie and I kind of wish that they were successful.
 
This was a very cheap movie. So cheap that they couldn't get Gunnar Hanson to reprise his role of Leatherface. Instead, he's played by Robert Jacks, who scored the movie. So the film's similar to an Ed Wood picture in another way. Of the film's terrible performances, Renee Zellweger's is the least bad. Of course, she's still bad enough to be here. She whines her way through most of her lines. Vilmer is a very annoying character. Although, there is some unintentional comedy when he needs to be re-charges. He's a cyborg remember.
 
Kim Henkel shows little talent as a director. The film looks terrible and has no visual flair. But, far worse is the screenplay. He wrote the first one with Tobe Hopper. Judging from his work on this one, you'd think that he'd never heard of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies. One annoying thing that pops up a lot in here is the constant homages to the first one. The dinner scene is ripped off completely, but at least the the re-charging scene happens here. Also, the grandpa is now a mummy. Leatherface ends the movie the same way he ended the first one: swinging his chainsaw in futility. I think they did this because they couldn't think of anything interesting to do, so why not rip-off of the first one. But, the absolute worst thing is Vilmer's death. He and Leatherface are chasing Jenny when a plane appears out of nowhere and hits him. That's not a joke, a plane really appears out of nowhere and hits him.
 
The second Texas Chainsaw Massacre gets a bad rap. It doesn't rehash the first film, Dennis Hopper is good, and it has chainsaw dueling! Grade: F
 
Next-up: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 29 2012 at 8:47pm

Time for my Nightmare On Elm Street double feature! When I review A Nightmare On Elm Street 2 last October, I thought it was the worst Nightmare On Elm Street. When I re-watched Freddy's Dead a few months ago, I realized I was VERY wrong! And when I re-watched Dream Child this afternoon, I realized I was wrong again. I'm starting with Dream Child because that came first.

 
There's one cool death scene in here. And that's Dan's. In the dream, he's on a motorcycle and Freddy slowly fuses Dan with it. It's a pretty cool effect and most of the $8 million budget probably went towards it. Also, it should be noted that this Nightmare On Elm Street is the only one to feature an actual responsible parent. Alice's dad respects her intelligence and doesn't try anything dumb.
 
Stephen Hopkins, future director of Predator 2, Lost In Space, and The Reaping, does a crappy job of directing. His direction shows no visual flair, something even Renny Harlin, director of the fourth Nightmare On Elm Street, had. There's a pretty big plot hole in here. See, Freddy's plan to return is to be born as Alice's baby. If something happens to the fetus, Freddy's plan would fall apart. The solution here is very obvious: get an abortion. She doesn't want to do this because the writers were lazy she wants to remember Dan (he's the father). I'm pretty sure that Dan would like the person who killed him to not be reborn. And it goes without saying that the acting sucks.
 
It's time for another edition of "Re-writes f*ck up movies!" The film has three credited writers (Leslie Bohem, John Skipp, and Craig Spector) and, apparantly, everything Skipp and Spector wrote (except for the line "it's a boy") wasn't in the movie. David J. Schow and William Wisher, jr. did some re-writes and Michael de Luca pieced it together days before shooting began. This can explain the stupidity of the plot and especially the ending that made no sense. I get the feeling that the ending was supposed to make sense, but because of all the re-writes, we ended up with the Gainax ending we have before us. But, the worst thing about the movie is the non-Dan death scenes. Erika's death scene makes no sense. Or, more accurately, the reaction makes no sense. See, while she's being killed, she's at a boring dinner party and she fell asleep. While she's dieing, everyone else doesn't check on her, they just stare at her. But, Mark's death is the dumbest. I could go into explicit detail about it's dumbness, but I'll just say this: it starts with Freddy on a skateboard talking like a sk8r dude and it only goes downhill from there.
 
Dream Child ended up disappointing at the box-office. Seeing the writing on the wall, NewLine Cinema decided to end the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise with one more to send the franchise off. And they choose the worst send-off that they could. It's so bad, that a 9 Worst Thinsg review is in order.
 
But, first, here's the one thing I liked about the movie. When Freddy tells his daughter about his plans to start killing outside of Springwood, she refutes it. In response, he says: "Every town has an Elm Street." It may not sound much, but when compared to the rest of the film, it's one of the best lines ever. It helps that it's the only time where Robert Englund gives a crap about his acting.
 
9.) The cameos: Several famous people show up here and it's distracting. Johnny Depp's cameo isn't too bad because it kind of makes sense for him to be there (the first Nightmare On Elm Street was his debut). Alice Cooper's cameo as Freddy's foster father is weird. But, the worst of all is Roseanne's cameo. She plays a mother whose kids were killed by Freddy. She treats the main characters like her kids. And then Tom Arnold shows up...
 
8.) The make-up: As crappy as some of the other Elm Street sequels were, at least Freddy looked like Freddy there. In this one, almost no effort was put into making Freddy look good. The make-up in the remake was better than this one.
 
7.) Lisa Zane: Billy's sister is pretty bad as Maggie Burroughs/Krueger. When she sees Spencer bouncing around the house she has a look on her face that looks more like she watched paint dry than a teen she's looking after get killed.
 
6.) Rachel Talahay: This is Talahay's directorial debut and it shows. The kills are poorly shot and similar to something someone who never heard of Nightmare On Elm Street would have done. So, it's shocking to learn that she's worked on all the previous Elm Street films in one way or another.
 
5.) Freddy's escape plan: To get out of Springwood, Freddy has to get his daughter to come there. To get his daughter to come, he gives a kid amnesia and sends him out of Springwood. Somehow, he finds himself at the same youth shelter that Freddy's daughter works at. Before he kills the kid near the end, he talks like this was his plan the whole time. His completely coincidental plan.
 
4.) The dream demons: It turns out that Freddy gets his powers from a group of demons. Remember how Michael Myers became less scary when we learned that Laurie was his sister? It's like that. Explaining things is good, but if you're explanation is bad, keep it ambigious.
 
3.) The special effects: The dream demons are rendered in some of the worst stop-motion you'll ever see in a pre-CGI movie.
 
2.) The script: The script for this is just awful. It's main flaw is that it's very comedic and the comedy is really, really, really bad. Adding insult to injury, Peter Jackson wrote a script for this and it was rejected.
 
1.) The Power Glove scene: In one of the dumbest scenes in horror history, Freddy kills a video game addict (played by a young Breckin Meyer) with a Power Glove. Yes, really. I hate it; it's so bad!
 
Apparantly, they tried to get Frank Miller to write Dream Child. This is late '80's Frank Miller (around the time he did The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One), not modern day Frank Miller. So, it could have been good. Grades: Dream Child: D-, Freddy's Dead: F
 
Next-up: The Exoricst: The Beginning!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 30 2012 at 8:25pm
I'm almost done with Horror Movie Month 2. Today's subject is Exorcist: The Beginning, the second worst prequel ever!!* The film has a very interesting production history. Paul Schrader (writer of Taxi Driver) made his version, but Morgan Creek Productions fired him because it didn't have enough bloody violence. Because when you think of The Exorcist, you think of bloody violence. Apparantly, only 10% of Schrader's version is in the final version. Schrader was replaced by... Renny Harlin!! We all know my opinion of Renny Harlin. Before I start my review, here's a very awesome quote from William Peter Blatty: "After a slam-bang opening sequence, Harlin's prequel deterioated into what was surely the most humiliating professional experience of my life, particularly thr finale. I don't blame Renny Harlin, for he gave Morgan Creek, I promise you, precisely what Morgan Creek demanded: not shocking obscenity, but shocking vulgarity."
 
There's only two good things about this. One is Stellan Skarsgard. That's not really surprising considering he's the only actual actor in this. He plays Father Merrin, the role originated by Max von Sydow in the Exorcist. Amusingly, Skarsgard is a hardline atheist in real life. The other is the cinematography by Vittorio Storaro of Apocalpyse Now fame. Insultingly, Harlin described his style as just "red equals evil."
 
Izabella Scorupa is pretty bad as Sarah, the doctor of the expedition. Interestingly, she wasn't in Paul Schrader's version, being created wholesale for this version. This was presumably to add sex appeal. The script for this is pretty dumb. I hear that the script for this and Schrader's version are mostly the same, but that still doesn't excuse it. Fun fact: one of the writers is William Wisher, jr. the same guy who re-wrote Dream Child.
 
Renny Harlin still has no talent for directing. The only one his films that I really like is the least good Die Hard. But, as bad as he is, we have to blame the people who put him here: Morgan Creek. Remember, they wanted bloody violence and that's what we have. In one grotesque scene, an African child is ripped apart by a hyena. In another, a woman gives birth to a maggoty baby. The big problem with scenes aren't that they're violent, but because of how exploitive it feels. It feels like Harlin was going "you want bloody violence, I'll give you bloody violence!" Adding insult to injury, both of those things are rendered with terrible special effects. On the commentary, Harlin defends the CGI hyenas because real ones are hard to work with.
 
A year after this bombed at the box-office, Schrader's version was released. I've never seen it, but this apparantly, Blatty thought the film was "a handsome, classy, elegant piece of work." Grade: F
 
Next-up: The 9 worst things about Halloween: Resurrection!
 
*The worst prequel is Dumb And Dumberer
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 31 2012 at 7:45pm
Time to finish up October and Horror Movie Month 2 with Halloween: Resurrection. I was either going to do this or The Curse Of Michael Myers, but I went with Resurrection because A.) Resurrection is slightly worse, B.) Curse Of Michael Myers is an interesting trainwreck while this is just a boring one, and C.) Curse's failings are due to dumbass executives and I've done enough films ruined by dumbass executives. Oh, and D.) Curse had a young Paul Rudd. Since Resurrection was so bad, it's another 9 worst things review.
 
9.) Katee Sackhoff: Anyone familar with my Twitter account knows I'm a big Battlestar Galactica fan. So imagine my surprise to see a pre-BSG Sackhoff here. She's only on hand as fodder for Michael. If she was playing Starbuck here, Michael wouldn't be standing at the end.
 
8.) Tyra Banks: Banks plays the assistant of Busta Rhymes' character. Watchering her act is almost as painful as watching her talk show. Disappointingly, she had a death scene, but it was cut out.
 
7.) The webcast plot: The "hook" of the movie was that Michael would kill people on an in-universe camera. So yes: this is kind of a found footage movie.
 
6.) Rick Rosenthal: The director of Halloween II returns to the franchise and shows even less skill than he did there. The way he shoots is bland and the kills are poor.
 
5.) The kills: Even if Rosenthal shoot the kills well, they'd still be boring and derivative. The only kill that was interesting was Tyra Banks' and, as mentioned above, it was cut out.
 
4.) The sequel hook: At the end of the movie, a coroner unzips Michael's bodybag and he wakes up. This was a transparant attempt to make more money. Thankfully, we didn't get any more sequels. Unthankfully, we did get a crappy remake that got a sequel that was one of the worst movies ever made.
 
3.) The retcon: At the end of Halloween H20, Laurie decapitates Michael. At the beginning of this, we learn that that was actually an ambulance worker that Michael traded clothes with. OK, why didn't Michael just kill the ambulance worker? It's a shameless ploy to get more sequels made.
 
2.) Michael kills Laurie... in the first 15 minutes: Michael's quest to kill Laurie has been the driving force of three of the previous seven movies and one of the seven doesn't count. And so, he goes after and kills her. In the first 15 minutes. This is an utterly disrepectful way to end a massive plotline in a successful horror series. This shows how little the makers truely cared about the Halloween property.
 
1.) Busta Rhimes V.S. Michael Myers: Busta Rhimes gave a very annoying performance as an internet entrapeaneur. But, the nadir of his performance, the film, and the franchise (until Michael eats that dog on-screen in Zombie's Halloween II) is when he fights Michael... and wins!!! Granted, Michael was completely ruined during the crying scene in Halloween 5, but still. Maybe that's why they never made another sequel: people couldn't Michael seriously after he got beaten up by Busta Rhimes.
 
I'm finally done!!! Grade: F
 
Next-up: Atlas Shrugged Part II!!!
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
jesse685 View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: May 12 2011
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 550
Post Options Post Options   Quote jesse685 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 01 2012 at 6:09pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Unthankfully, we did get a crappy remake that got a sequel that was one of the worst movies ever made.
 
Does Wrath of the Titans ring a bell?
"If you can't make it good, make it 3D!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
F**k Yeah/WTF Were They Thinking Awards Results Live-Tweet @jesse685
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 01 2012 at 7:15pm
Wrath Of The Titans was indeed terrible, but it can't compare to Zombie's Halloween II in terms of badness.
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6814
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2013 at 10:35am
My review of THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN:



Any thoughts?
You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6814
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 02 2013 at 11:45am
My review of THE VOW (it includes a comparison between a bunch of SNOW WHITE adaptations):



Any thoughts?
You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 13 2013 at 6:36pm
It's time for my first review in half a year. And it's of two of the worst films ever. Two films that tied for Worst Picture here back in '86. They are Howard The Duck and Under The Cherry Moon. You know you're in for a rough review when the better film features duck breasts!! Both of the reviews will be 9 worst things. We'll start with Howard.

9.) Dark Overlord: Now, I will say this, Dark Overlord has a cool design. Seriously look at it.
Suposedly, Clive Barker (the guy who came up with Hellraiser) sat through the whole film just to see the design. However, that cool design only shows up in the last part of the film, where he gets quickly defeated by Howard. For most of the film, Dark Overlord is trapped in the terrorfying form of...

8.) Jeffrey Jones: Yes, for almost all of the film, Dark Overlord is Principle Rooney. Not very scary. And I'm going to end this section early before a make a disgusting joke about him being a pedophile.

7.) Tim Robbins: The first time I saw this was not long after I watched his Oscar-winning role in Mystic River. The contrast is shocking and kind of funny. Robbins plays an unfunny scientist who's obviously based on Thomas Dolby who's most well-known for one hit wonder She Blinded Me Science. Also, he wrote the music for this film with George Clinton*. Because of this film, Green Lantern isn't the worst comic book movie in Tim Robbins' resume.

6.) Lea Thompson: Thompson plays a New Wave musician named Beverly Switzler. She seems to have an attraction to Howard, even though he's an alien duck. She had less creepy chemistry with Marty McFly. Apparantly, '90s alt-rock singer Tori Amos auditioned for the role. Back then, she was the lead singer of synthpop band called Y Kant Tori Read.

5.) The special effects: Other than Dark Overlord's true form, the special effects are awful. Howard looks more like a midget in a duck suit than an alien duck.

4.) Howard himself: Howard is one of the most annoying movie characters of all time. He rivals Jar Jar Binks at times. His annoying voice, supplied by Chip Zien, is grating.

3.) Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz: Huyck and Katz are the husband and wife time responsible for this mess. This movie killed their careers, there's only two movies on their resumes after this. A made-for-TV movie and Radioland Murders, which was written in the '70s. There's two specifically awful things about their script are the two worst things.

2.) The disturbing sexuality: As mentioned in the section about Lea Thompson, there's bestiality undertones in this film. In the original comic, Howard and Beverly are dating as well, but the comic was an edgy comic deliberately made for adults. The movie is a summer blockbuster wannabe made for (presumably) children. This makes it standout horrifyingly. Also, as mentioned in the intro, there's duck breasts.

1.) All those f*cking duck puns: During the first few minutes of the film, we're assaulted by insultingly dumb duck puns. Howard reads Rolling Egg and Playduck. Get it? It's like Rolling Stone and Playboy, except with duck puns!

What could be worse than a misguided attempt to turn an edgy adult comic into a crowdpleasing summer blockbuster? An pretencious, egomaniacal star vehicle! Before I rip into the movie, I should note that the cinematography (by Scorsese pro Michael Ballhaus) and production design (by Richard Sylbert, who also did Chinatown and Dick Tracy) are beautiful.

9.) Prince's behind the scenes meddling: Prince had complete control over the production and the film could be less awful if he didn't. For example, Mary Lambert was the original director for this film. She, also, directed Pet Semetary, which was an actual movie. Prince got her fired and replaced her with himself. I should mention that this was his directorial debut.

8.) The soundtrack: The soundtrack for the film is filled with boring and unmemorable songs. The only exception is Kiss, which went on to be a Billboard Number 1 hit.

7.) The script: In an avergae bad movie, this script would be near the top of the list of bad things. But, since this isn't an average bad movie, it's stuck at the bottom.

6.) Kristin Scott Thomas: The future star of The English Patient badmouthed this movie back in 2005. "When I left drama school I was more afraid of not working than not working at all than the actual material being offered. And if you look at my very first film, you'll understand exactly what I mean." Yes, I know exactly what you mean.

5.) The romance: Prince and Thomas have a half-assed romance in the film. Her father opposes it and we're supposed to infer that it's because he's racist and uncool. But, remember, he's playing a pimp. If your daughter wanted to marry a pimp, you'd act the same way. I know I would.

4.) The anachronisms: There's a lot of weird anachronisms. At one point, someone holds up a boombox. Computers and answering machines are brought up. Sam Cooke is referenced, despite being less than 10 when this movie takes place.

3.) Prince, the actor: Prince's performance in Purple Rain was a decent enough first performance. His performance here is just awful. He deserved his Razzie many times over. Also deserving of his Razzie many times over is...

2.) Jerome Benton: Benton plays Tricky, Prince's sidenick. He's more annoying than Jar Jar Binks and Howard The Duck combined.

1.) Prince, the director: Prince said he was inspired Fellini's 8 1/2 when he made this film. Fellini died a couple years after this movie was made, and I'd like to think that his corpse could have made a better film than this.

It's good to be back. Grades: F for Howard The Duck and Rotten Asshole for Under The Cherry Moon

Next-up: The 9 worst things about The Oogieloves!!!

*Fun fact: I think I saw George Clinton at an airport one time. I'm not 100% sure it was him and this isn't really relevant, but when you're faced with a movie this awful, reminding yourselves of better things is recommended.
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
Vits View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: February 01 2010
Location: Chile
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6814
Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 13 2013 at 7:32pm
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

An pretencious, egomaniacal star vehicle!
Is that the right term? I mean, isn't that used for actors rather than characters?
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

The soundtrack for the film is filled with boring and unmemorable songs. The only exception is Kiss, which went on to be a Billboard Number 1 hit.
And a lot of people prefer (myself included) the Tom Jones version, so the joke's on him.
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Prince and Thomas have a half-assed romance in the film. Her father opposes it and we're supposed to infer that it's because he's racist and uncool. But, remember, he's playing a pimp. If your daughter wanted to marry a pimp, you'd act the same way.
Depends. Is he a "I'm gonna slap this bitch if she doesn't shut her mouth" pimp? Or just a "Play that '70s soul song when I'm walking" pimp?
LOL
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

There's a lot of weird anachronisms. At one point, someone holds up a boombox. Computers and answering machines are brought up. Sam Cooke is referenced, despite being less than 10 when this movie takes place.
That sounds like it was on purpose. Are you sure they weren't like the ones Wes Anderson or Jared Hess use?
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

Prince said he was inspired Fellini's 8 1/2 when he made this film
Yes, and also by Abbott & Costello. What a perfect mix!
LOL
You can follow me @Vits_Chile
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 13 2013 at 8:31pm
1.) The film was tailored to star Prince, so it counts as a vehicle.

2.) The Tom Jones version actually made a list of worst Rock records, argueing that his baritone is wrong for a lustful song. Here's the link: http://www.rocklistmusic.co.uk/steveparker/slipped_discs.htm (it's number 29).

3.) It's somewhere in between those two kinds. Either way, you don't want your daughter seen with one.

4.) The anachronisms were probably on purpose, but they're handled so bad, that it's annoying.

5.) Fellini and Abbott And Costello seem like an odd combination. That's probably why the tone is off.
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
jesse685 View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: May 12 2011
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 550
Post Options Post Options   Quote jesse685 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 14 2013 at 4:46am
SchumacherH8ter: It's good to see your reviews again.
"If you can't make it good, make it 3D!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
F**k Yeah/WTF Were They Thinking Awards Results Live-Tweet @jesse685
Back to Top
SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum
RAZZIE® Inner Sanctum


Joined: September 06 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2971
Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 14 2013 at 7:16am
Thanks jesse.
I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Upcoming reviews: http://www.razzies.com/forum/topic7513.html
Up-next: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 34567 36>

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down