Milla Jovovich is Really Pretty...LAME!

 

I don't know....how bad can it be? I saw this trailer and thought it looked like a good way to kill 2 hours. I wasn't looking for Shakespeare. :)

I was watching CBC this afternoon, and they were doing a piece on the
razzies, I came on this website purely to bitch about ultraviolet.

This movie has to be the worst I have ever seen. Every single aspect of it
was formulaic and cliche. Every character was taken straight out of the
great big book of stereotypes, from the layered lone figure who's closed
themselves off from feeling, to the jittery scientist with doubts about
every thing. The plot was blatantly flat, and any attempt at variation from
the constant fight scenes was met with failure, as bad acting and terrible
writing made itself apparent. Every single fight scene, besides the very
last one, was essentially the same, with a mob of faceless henchmen
coming at milla from all sides, and her easily killing every single one of
them, leaving the viewer with absolutely no sense of suspense, and thus
completely failing at it's only chance to draw the viewer in. This leaves the
director with one last avenue through which he can give this movie a leg
to stand on, and that's the special effects. Unfortunately, they completely
cheaped out on effects. The first thing that comes to my mind when I
think of the graphics is.. Sega Genisis, but air brushed.

This movie was painful to sit through, and the only reason I'd recommend
someone go see it is to witness the height of terrible film making.

I spent nearly my entire weekend researching this movie. The movie claims that it is a comic book character.Ha! Ha! Very loose! Ultraviolet is actually 3 things..a series of adventure novels published in Great Britain and turned into a BBC series in the 90's. The charcter's name is Violet and she was kidnapped, genetically altered/enhanced to be an assasign for the government in futuristic London and her memory erased. She escapes and joins up with others and tries to piece together her life. However, the gentic enhancement gives her powers that are vampire-like.
Now onto the comic book claim... There is a character named Painkiller Jane. She was a charcter created by Event Comics in 1995. She only lasted 5 issues. She was a policewoman who had an accident that altered her DNA and caused her to have regenerative powers. She rides a motorcycle, wears black leather but doesn't use a katana. There was a Sci-Fi channel movie that came out last year of the same name.
This UltraViolet movie just looks like a big-screen rip-off of that FOX tv show Dark Angel that Jessica Alba was in. My husband wants to see this movie though. He thinks Milla is hot.

Is this a spelling bee (if you look back to the first spelling bee it was actually a competition called "spelling B". Nearly every contestant got it right apart from the sons of oil millionaires)? If you don't like people who can't spell why watch movies directed by people who would rather look at cool drawings than read?

ULTRAVIOLET was really, really bad.  I liked EQUILIBRIUM (also written and directed by Kurt Wimmer), but this was truly awful.  The special effects were shoddy - there were many CG only scenes that looked like they were rendered on a Nintedo 64, and half the movie looked like it was put through some stupid HDR Photoshop filter and Gaussian blur.  There were a number of odd continuity errors and numerous missing sounds - "Your lips move, but I can't hear what they're saying..." and a number of swords clashing in thunderous silence.  The dialog was shamefully vapid and cliched.

ULTRAVIOLET is about vampires... or isn't.  I'm still not sure.  I guess some people had a blood disease?  If you're infected, it's implied that you'll die, but nobody actually does.  The infected have pointy teeth prosthetics that make them look like they just out of the dentist and still have those little cotton plugs stuffed in their cheeks.  It looked uncomfortable for the actors, or maybe it was the subconscious expression of the "talent" realizing that they're in this steaming pile of cretinous haggis.  Anyway, there's no bloodsucking, which means there's no explanation for the teeth.  Some of the infected were really powerful, but not everyone.  Some can see in the night, others can't, some are sensitive to sunlight, but beyond a brief mention you don't hear about it again.

Let's fight with swords!  Why?  It's the future!  Is it symbolism, in that everyone's waving their dicks around?  Is it meant to be stylish?  The vast majority of the action sequences with swords are completely bloodless.  This makes great visual sense when everyone's wearing white and a bit of red would make a good contrast and visual effect.  When they used the really viscous *schitchk* sound effects, it was quite obvious that someone was hit with the flat of the blade.

In the end, Multipass's sword gets some goo that she lights on fire so she can fight in the dark.  Kind of neat... but then the boss lights his sword on fire without any explanation, I figure he harnessed the the power of the investors who just realized what kind of cinematic vomit they just dumped $30 million into.

In addition to the swords, the bad guys also have cattle prods that look like gatling guns, yet do nothing except have a Jacob’s ladder effect.  I guess bureaucracies in the future also have to deal with lowest bidding contractors.

Some of the time, the film makers used the clichéd Matrix bullets whizzing in slow motion through the air, and sometimes they used thin orange lines.  I guess it depended on the phase of the moon when they were in post.

There was a really heavy Christian theme with the design, where just about everything has a cross of some kind on it.  However, like just about everything else, it's not explained or justified.  I guess it's just for effect so you know it's like, you know, teehee, deep.

The fighting wasn't even that good.  I was hoping for some popcorn-munching chop-saky with a bit of Orwellian nonsense and hot Leeloo action, but the combination of BLADE 2 CG characters hopping around and more than questionable editing makes it a serious a waste of time.

There were one or two fight scenes that were kind of neat, but ULTRAVIOLET was mostly just laugh-out-loud bad.  Not the laughing in EQUILIBRIUM when Batman sliced the guy's face off, not the hilarity of the "Put the puppy down, Sir"  emotional manipulation with a sledgehammer scene, just in a "I just wasted $6.50 and a hour-and-a-half" kind of laugh that makes you want to stab people in the eye.  Don’t make the same mistake.

Hey, when I'm bored, I do research. It's either waste away in front of the computer expanding my brain, or wasting it on sh*t on the boob-tube.

We've got our first possible nominee for next year's awards. This is it.

So, with this, BLOODRAYNE and UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION, how about something like Suckiest Vampire Movie  for this year's special Razzie category?  

Just a thought.

-BooBerry