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Funny...He Still Can’t Direct Worth Sh*t!

Printed From: Official RAZZIE® Forum
Category: Forums on 2008 RAZZIE® "Winners"
Forum Name: Uwe Boll's POSTAL
Forum Discription: "WINNER" of 1 RAZZIE® for WORST DIRECTOR (Uwe Boll for 4 Titles)
URL: http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2713
Printed Date: April 16 2014 at 9:17pm


Topic: Funny...He Still Can’t Direct Worth Sh*t!
Posted By: HeadRAZZBerry
Subject: Funny...He Still Can’t Direct Worth Sh*t!
Date Posted: May 16 2008 at 4:45am

WITH a LOCK on a WORST DIRECTOR NOMINATION for JANUARY's http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2383&PN=1&TPN=1 - IN THE NAME OF THE KING , http://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=Uwe+Boll&btnG=Search+Razzies.com&domains=razzies.com&sitesearch=razzies.com - UWE BOLL GOES TWO-for-TWO in 2008 with HIS BERRY FIRST "INTENTIONAL" COMEDY. AND SINCE HE's AS GIFTED WHEN TRYING for a LAUGH AS HE IS INCOMPETENT WHEN GOING for DRAMA, THIS FILM COULD SERIOUSLY BOLSTER BOLL's LONG-SHOT CHANCE at DETHRONING STALLONE for OUR http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2631&PN=1 - 2009 WORST CAREER ACHIEVEMENT RAZZIE®.

FEATURING "LOOK-ALIKES" for OSSAMA BIN-LADEN (WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE JOSE' JEMENEZ) GEORGE W. BUSH (SADLY, the ONLY ONE FAIRLY WELL-CAST) and with a "PLOT" DESCRIBED as "a COMIC TWIST on ARMAGEDDON," http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=274 - POSTAL IS ABOUT as AMUSING as a ANAL PROBE PERFORMED with a RUSTY SCREW-DRIVER.

BUT WHY LET US DO ALL the BOLL-BASHING?  NOW IT's YOUR TURN!!

UWE: "Look out, Intianna Chones -- Vee shtoal 00000.127% uff your tunder!" 



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Ye Olde Head RAZZberry



Replies:
Posted By: SchumacherH8ter
Date Posted: May 16 2008 at 11:17am

Apparently, the theater count for this has dropped from 1,500...to 4!?!?!?!



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I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Up-next: Reefer Madness


Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: May 16 2008 at 2:54pm

". . . We may steal 00000.127% of your thunder!"

I hear The Sound of Thunder. . . and it sounds better than this!. . .

This should haul in a Worst Picture nomination if not a win, as well as assure Boll of a worst director nomination.  This movie should land him in infamy.

I've only seen the beginning, which I hear from both the haters and the fanboys (and there's a lot of people praising this film), is the best part of the film.  Hearing two of the 9/11 hijackers go back and forth about how many virgins they'll get, only to find out after calling bin Laden that since there's so many martyrs, there's not enough virgins to go around. . . . it should have been offensively funny, but it's not.  And you can blame the director for that. 

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Loathe though I am to give even two-cents to Uwe Boll, I feel oblogated to see this pile o' crap. On the face of it, though, I've gotta say, unless this actualy sux worst than http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=246 - NAME OF THE KING (which would be quite an achievement) in the interest of giving other Rotten Movie-Makers a fair shot at RAZZIE Glory, maybe we should limit Boll to just one Worst Picture nomination for 2008. For Worst Director, of course, we can list his name followed by however many titles he miscarries into release this year... 

 



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Posted By: moat
Date Posted: May 16 2008 at 6:55pm
Yeah, I don't think this guy has the panache to pull off any kind of humorous commentary on current events. Not to mention the whole potentially offensive Muslim gag thing has already been exercised to the point of exhaustion, as are George Bush jokes.

But hey, it can't be any worse than his last four efforts...r-right?


Posted By: thomsonmg2000
Date Posted: May 17 2008 at 2:47pm
WTF? Postal has a better tomato rating than War Inc, as of May 17th.

A Boll film that's actually better than another film being released the same weekend?

Maybe that won't last, b/c Postal has only 7 reviews...


Posted By: moviewizguy
Date Posted: May 19 2008 at 10:24am
I really really really really want to watch this movie....on DVD. ANYWAY, I really need to get going to see the first 3 Indiana Jones before the new one comes out...and I think I'm not going to watch Indiana Jones 4 in theaters either...  

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Posted By: Movie Man
Date Posted: May 20 2008 at 4:24am
Not only has the Rotten Tomatoes meter count improved (33% as of this writing), but also the theater count: It was down from 1,500 to four a few days ago, but now it's up to 12 -- two of which are midnight screenings, though... 



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Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: May 20 2008 at 6:07pm

I'm all for that (see below) especially if Freestyle Releasing is able to follow through on its commitment and place Seed in the theatres this year.  I wouldn't want to see three Boll films vying for Worst Picture--it'd split the vote!

Originally posted by cvcjr13

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Loathe though I am to give even two-cents to Uwe Boll, I feel oblogated to see this pile o' crap. On the face of it, though, I've gotta say, unless this actualy sux worst than http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=246 - NAME OF THE KING (which would be quite an acievement) in the interest of giving other Rotten Movie-Makers a fair shot at RAZZIE Glory, maybe we should limit Boll to just one Worst Picture nomination for 2008. For Worst Director, of course, we can list his name followed by however many titles he miscarries into release this year... 

 

 

 



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Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: May 23 2008 at 6:27pm

SPOILERS

You'll find plenty of great scenes to love in Uwe Boll's Postal.

I mean, how can you not love seeing:

  • Zack Ward repeatedly fall over in a broken chair during an interview, despite there being other chairs nearby.
  • A van plow into a baby in a stroller.
  • A bunch of kids being shot up, often in slow motion, while they wait for dolls shaped like crotches.
  • A broadcast journalist arrange the dead bodies of the very same kids into a photo op.
  • Four cute babes sporting Hitler mustaches so they can blend into a German themed amusement park.
  • A black policeman shoot an elderly Asian woman because she speaks with a thick accent and can't get her car through the light.
  • The same black policeman scold his neurologically challenged ward because the guy only pulled in $13 at the spot where he was left in his electric wheelchair to panhandle.
  • A group of paused rampagers discover the only thing they have in common is that they hate Jews.
  • Verne Troyer fulfill prophecy by being raped by a 1000 monkeys.
  • Uwe Boll explain his movies are financed by Nazi gold.
  • Dave Foley display his full monty and then avail the toilet while Chris Coppola blushes at the view and grimaces at the fumes.

What?  You don't think these scenes are great?

Neither did I.

There were a few scenes I laughed at, but were okay at best. 

  • The opening sequence with the hijackers debating how many virgins they will receive remains the best scene in the movie. 
  • The shootout at the welfare office, as well as the recorder's triple WHAM!my comeuppance later in the movie. 
  • Zack Ward's reaction to the interview question "What is the difference between a duck?"
  • A promotional speaker getting flattened by a falling, flaming car while cussing out his publisher on the cel phone.
  • George Bush and Osama bin Laden holding hands and skipping into the sunset dotted with nuclear explosions.

There were other times where things worked.  Accordingly, this movie should settle the question whether Uwe Boll is a better filmmaker than Edward G. Wood, Jr.  Such a contest! 

However, considering the amount of heart and effort Boll put into filming and promoting this $15 million diarrhea, the few good chunks in the offal do not distract from his delusions of grandeur.

http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117934421.html?categoryid=31&cs=1 - Dennis Harvey of Variety said that Boll and his co-writer Bryan C. Knight do not have the wit to pull off this satire, and he is right.  Perhaps the time will come where someone intelligent and funny could take all that is sacrosanct, offensive, sensitive, feared and taboo and lampoon them with brilliant entertainment.  Boll, on the other hand, can only, even at his best, throw the badly mixed tempura of his ideas on the screen, thinking he is Pollock but merely outdoing bug splatter on the windshield.

I gave this four out of ten stars, partly to show that Postal is at least twice as good as his other films...but mostly because I'm feeling generous tonight!



Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: May 26 2008 at 3:58pm

This just in:

Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.

why its banned

September 11, 2001. Terrorists are about to fly a plane into the
World Trade Center when they realize that there can't possibly be enough virgins left in the afterlife, given the recent rash of suicide bombings. After a quick phone call to their leader confirms that they may only get twenty, they decide to call off the attack and fly to The Bahamas. Just then, the cockpit door is kicked open and the passengers struggle to take control of the plane. Veering out of control, it smashes into the Twin Towers - the fiery explosion revealing the film's title card."
 
Come on people, why are we debating over if Uwe Boll should get a Razzie Award over the Sly Guy? Sly has already "won" 10 times; you can't dishonor the man any more! Boll is just begging, begging us to give him a razzie. He's releasing FOUR or more crappy movies in one year compared to Sly's one Rambo movie. He's doing everything short of writing in his own voting ballot to get himself a "win". He slipped through our fingers twice before. Letting him get away a third time is just a crime against the reasons for these awards in the first place. I mean if there was ever someone tailored made for the Razzies Awards other than Edward D. Wood Jr., it's this man, Uwe "The Only True F'n Genuis In This Industry" Boll.


Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: May 27 2008 at 7:27am
I've seen the movie.  Yes, it's offensive, but I don't feel that's why the theatre owners bailed on it.  I'm not sure you could call it either a ban or a boycott.  My guess would be that they felt it was so bad, it would tank.  If that's true, then they called it right:  There were only about a dozen people in the theatre during the showing I attended...

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Posted By: MJ Narcy
Date Posted: May 28 2008 at 4:25pm
Dear HeadRAZZBerry:

Could you point out where we can find this man that calls himself Uwe Boll?  We would like to hang him from the tallest tree, ...er..., we mean we would like to have a word with him.

Sincerely,

The Pitchfork Wielding Mob


Posted By: MJ Narcy
Date Posted: May 28 2008 at 4:33pm

 It could be worse -- Boll asked Blizzard Software to let him make a film based on World of Warcraft.  They told him to get lost.  Good for Blizzard Software!  Wink

Blizzard CEO Paul Sams said to Uwe: "We will not sell the movie rights, not to you...especially not to you."  LOL

http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/04/18/uwe-boll-wont-ever-be-entering-the-world-of-warcraft/ - Here's a link to the article.  

Originally posted by cvcjr13

I'm all for that (see below) especially if Freestyle Releasing is able to follow through on its commitment and place Seed in the theatres this year.  I wouldn't want to see three Boll films vying for Worst Picture--it'd split the vote!



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Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: May 31 2008 at 4:56pm
Blizzard is making its own movie of WoW, simply called http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0803096/ - Warcraft .


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: July 01 2008 at 12:58pm
Boll also asked for the movie rights to Metal Gear Solid and Halo. Their companies' both replied "Oh HELL NO!"


Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: July 01 2008 at 6:34pm
The videogame community is large, and they all know about Boll.  What can I say?


Posted By: thomsonmg2000
Date Posted: July 17 2008 at 2:06am

I was actually hoping "Postal" might be Boll's first "not terrible" film  (from reading early reviews on how it was supposedly pretty funny).  But instead, it's just another crap output from Toilet Boll.

 



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Seltzerberg is back?

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!

http://www.disastermovie.org
http://www.vampiressuck.org/


Posted By: cvcjr13
Date Posted: July 17 2008 at 3:38pm
It has a few moments, which is unusual for Boll, but it's like searching for a diamond ring in a septic tank. . . .

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Posted By: thomsonmg2000
Date Posted: September 30 2008 at 2:12pm
I don't think Postal should get Razzied at all, though; it would be taking up all of the awards Disaster Movie should receive instead. Like I posted several times before, Boll should only get the Worst Career Achievement award for his multiple blight on movies, and leave it at that...




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Seltzerberg is back?

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!

http://www.disastermovie.org
http://www.vampiressuck.org/


Posted By: HeadRAZZBerry
Date Posted: October 01 2008 at 3:11am

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Have you seen POSTAL??  Beyond being indefensably dense like http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=270 - DISASTER MOVIE , POSTAL also manages to be incoherent, tasteless, pointless, witless and frequently flat-out disgusting (EXAMPLE: There is a scene where young children being graphically gunned down by a Nazi sniper is supposed to be funny).

If DISASTER is just doofy while POSTAL is an assault on humanity (which I would argue POSTAL is) then I'd have to favor POSTAL over DISASTER as this year's Most Deserving Worst Picture contender.

To give you some perspective: I haven't loathed a possible Worst Picture choice this much since http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0240515/awards - FREDDY GOT FINGERED

Mayhaps both POSTAL and DISASTER MOVIE should end up being nominated as Worst Picture, and our Voting Members can then determine which of them is more deserving of a "win." 

 

 



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Ye Olde Head RAZZberry


Posted By: thomsonmg2000
Date Posted: October 01 2008 at 8:17am

I heard that scene where the kids got gunned down was the only "good" part of Postal. So, yeah, I could see why you would loathe Postal. However, the fact that Postal actually has a scene that can be described as "good" from viewers and Disaster Movie is just painful even reading only a detailed plot summary is reason why Disastrous Movie should get loaded with Razzies this year. Maybe a Worst Ripoff award for Uwe Boll trying to make a "satire" like Borat?

Speaking about Freddy Got Fingered, I can't believe I'm going to type this, but, I actually cracked a smile when I saw a clip of the sausage scene.

Originally posted by HeadRAZZBerry

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Have you seen POSTAL??  Beyond being indefensably dense like http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=270 - DISASTER MOVIE , POSTAL also manages to be incoherent, tasteless, pointless, witless and frequently flat-out disgusting (EXAMPLE: There is a scene where young children being graphically gunned down by a Nazi sniper is supposed to be funny).

If DISASTER is just doofy while POSTAL is an assault on humanity (which I would argue POSTAL is) then I'd have to favor POSTAL over DISASTER as this year's Most Deserving Worst Picture contender.

To give you some perspective: I haven't loathed a possible Worst Picture choice this much since http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0240515/awards - FREDDY GOT FINGERED

Mayhaps both POSTAL and DISASTER MOVIE should end up being nominated as Worst Picture, and our Voting Members can then determine which of them is more deserving of a "win." 






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Seltzerberg is back?

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!

http://www.disastermovie.org
http://www.vampiressuck.org/


Posted By: SchumacherH8ter
Date Posted: November 15 2008 at 7:27am
I just finished watching this:  oh my f*cking god, what a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible movie! Uwe managed to out-bad "In The Name Of The King"! If Uwe doesn't win this year, it will be as gross as the scene of children Head RAZZberry almost vomited at that was mentioned above. The only half-way amusing part was when Uwe got his n*ts blown off because he deserves after I've seen this, "ITNOFTK", "House Of The Dead", "Alone In The Dark", "BloodRayne", and "BloodRayne 2". WORST PICTURE, WORST DIRECTOR, WORST ACTOR (Zach Ward), WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR (Uwe Boll), WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS (Jackie Tohn), WORST SCREENPLAY, and WORST SCREEN COUPLE (Ward & Tohn)

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I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Up-next: Reefer Madness


Posted By: SchumacherH8ter
Date Posted: November 15 2008 at 11:16am
I've discovered some of Uwe's upcomming films. First is "Far Cry", which is opening in Germany and Canada, but not here. Then, "Tunnel Rats", which is 100% improv, with no script and doesn't appear to have a release date. The next two are "Sabotage 1943" and "Zombie Massacre", which don't have Wikipedia links. And there's, "Stoic" which starrs Edward Furlong and here's the description on Wikipedia: "According to Boll, Stoic centers on the true event where three German inmates gambled on a poker game. The loser is forced to eat, regurgitate, and eat his own vomit. The tale escalates into much more when the inmates rape the man for 10 hours before forcing him to commit suicide." What the f*ck? Also, it's improv.

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I'm the Goddamn Batman.-All-Star Batman And Robin #2
https://twitter.com/Scott_DAgostino
Up-next: Reefer Madness


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: November 15 2008 at 2:33pm

Wow, he is all about shock vaule now, isn't he? I swear, this year is just a photo finish race between Boll and Seltzerberg. Between "In The Name Of The King", "Meet The Spartans", "Postal", and "Disaster Movie", they are begging, BEGGING us to hand them all the "Awards".

Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

I've discovered some of Uwe's upcomming films. First is "Far Cry", which is opening in Germany and Canada, but not here. Then, "Tunnel Rats", which is 100% improv, with no script and doesn't appear to have a release date. The next two are "Sabotage 1943" and "Zombie Massacre", which don't have Wikipedia links. And there's, "Stoic" which starrs Edward Furlong and here's the description on Wikipedia: "According to Boll, Stoic centers on the true event where three German inmates gambled on a poker game. The loser is forced to eat, regurgitate, and eat his own vomit. The tale escalates into much more when the inmates rape the man for 10 hours before forcing him to commit suicide." What the f*ck? Also, it's improv.

 



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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)


Posted By: Vega six
Date Posted: November 16 2008 at 3:02am

Hold on lads, Isn't this exactly what these idiots want?? They are looking for publicity by making turd after turd. It's their sick way of generating money and box office numbers.

What do you think Mister Berry?



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Posted By: HeadRAZZBerry
Date Posted: November 16 2008 at 7:36am
RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: If Uwe Boll thinks he can parlay a multi-RAZZIE® "win" into box office gold, more power to him. Although RAZZ-ing this most deserving of film-makers would bring him further media attention (and he is, indeed, an "idiot" who keeps making "turd after turd") I cannot resist lobbying for POSTAL to "win" several of our main awards -- After all, part of our reason for existing is to ward off "innocent movie-goers" from subjecting themselves to the kind of indefensible cinematic garbage Boll spews forth with film after film... 

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Ye Olde Head RAZZberry


Posted By: MiguelAntilsu
Date Posted: November 16 2008 at 8:54am

From the look of things, I really don't know why Uwe Boll made this film.  It's a lot worse than Peter Griffin's idea for "September 11, 2000-Fun" (Family Guy), which was funny because he was getting back at James Woods for stealing his identity.  This film, on the other hand, is a complete train wreck (and has almost nothing to do with the 1997 video game "Postal," since he combined it with 9/11). 

If you brought back Worst Excuse for an Actual Movie (2003), this might win hands down! 



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Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: November 16 2008 at 2:58pm
I agree with HeadRazz, if Boll wants to be this generation's Ed Wood, we should be more than happy to grant his wish. I don't believe that "any press is good press." If / when Boll wins his fair share of Razzies, claims to be proud of it, and gets media attention for it, it will be movies-goers and critics laughing at him, not with him. Heck, even Halle Berry was brave enough to admit she made a mistake with "Catwoman!"

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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)


Posted By: Vega six
Date Posted: November 17 2008 at 3:31am

Excellent points all around, but please enlighten me as to where old Boll gets his funding? I mean, who in their right mind would fund something they know will lose money? Does Boll come from a rich family? What, what?!?

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Best I can come up with is that Boll has created some kind of tax shelter (or money "washing"??) set-up in his native Germany. Other than that, no theory even begins to explain Boll continuing to get funding for $65 million productions, not one of which has ever made even $10 million back worldwide... 

 

 



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Posted By: Vega six
Date Posted: November 18 2008 at 6:58am
Maybe something illegal? What a day for the Razzberries to take down such scum lol


Posted By: BooBerry
Date Posted: December 17 2008 at 12:14pm

By the way, HeadRazz, since Boll appears in POSTAL, as himself. Are you gonna list him as a Worst Supporting Actor contender on the ballot this year as well?

Kinda like how Stallone and Eszterhas were nominated for playing themselves in AN ALAN SMITHEE FILM: BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN.

-BooBerry 

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Not to worry, Boll is listed all over this year's RAZZIE® Nominating Ballot -- and, yes, Worst Supporting Actor for POSTAL(as himself) is among the possible nods for Herr Boll...



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Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: December 17 2008 at 12:36pm

I'm for everything (and anything!) that will better Boll's chances of NOT getting away Razzie-free this year.



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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)


Posted By: BooBerry
Date Posted: December 17 2008 at 2:05pm

Hey, even if Boll was not listed on the ballot, we could always write him in!!

-BooBerry



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Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: December 18 2008 at 1:32am

In every single category, regardless if it has anything to do with him?

I guess we could .... 



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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)


Posted By: Vits
Date Posted: December 01 2012 at 3:51pm
Skip to 05:01.

[TUBE]qhhTWIAD3WE[/TUBE]

Any thoughts?


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You can follow me http://www.twitter.com/@Vits_Chile - @Vits_Chile



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