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Battleship ... The Movie?!

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Category: General MOVIE & DVD Discussions
Forum Name: Talk Amongst Yourselves
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URL: http://www.razzies.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=3863
Printed Date: September 17 2014 at 12:39pm


Topic: Battleship ... The Movie?!
Posted By: Michaels
Subject: Battleship ... The Movie?!
Date Posted: September 15 2009 at 3:42pm

The stop-motion TV series "Robot Chicken" once made a joke that Hollywood had become so drained of original ideas that they"d adapt ANYTHING into a movie -- Novels, old TV series, comic books, video games, even amusement park rides. So they joked the only thing left was to adapt board games, like "Hungry, Hungry Hippos: The Movie".

Four of five years later, rumors are spreading that director Peter Berg is going to make a movie adaptation of "Battleship" for 2011. A movie adaption ... of Battleship ... the Hasbro board game.

wetbandit, I hope you're hard at work writing those screenplays of yours, because the world of entertainment is taking a nose dive and is going to crash and burn any day now without GOOD, ORIGINAL material. 

RESPONSE from Head RAZZberry: Sadly, the notion of basing movies on toys and boardgames has become a full-fledged trend in Hollywood. Here's a http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-brands28-2009sep28,0,1264698.story - LINK to read an L.A. Times article discussing the overall subject, and listing several specific "toy-inspired" movies that are now in the works...

 



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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)



Replies:
Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 17 2009 at 2:07am

That sounds like a rivoting 90 minutes of film. Two geeks sitting face to fact at a table, seperated by their blue and red game boards:

Geek One: A-12

Geek Two: Miss...G-7

Geek One: Hit! Your mama swims after troop ships!

 

I can't wait.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 17 2009 at 4:19am
Originally posted by saturnwatcher

That sounds like a rivoting 90 minutes of film. Two geeks sitting face to fact at a table, seperated by their blue and red game boards:

Geek One: A-12

Geek Two: Miss...G-7

Geek One: Hit! Your mama swims after troop ships!

I can't wait.

Yes, that was what first came to my mind, however, as it turns out, the movie will actually be about two real fleets of five navy ships doing battle with each other. At least this is one movie with an already created and well know tag line of "you sunk my battleship!".



Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 17 2009 at 1:12pm
There's really no other way to say this. I mean this fully and whole heartedly:

F#$% Hollywood.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 17 2009 at 4:36pm

Agreed with the "F#$% Hollywood" comment!



Posted By: Mayhem5185
Date Posted: September 17 2009 at 8:14pm
The thing that disappoints me the most about this, is the fact that Peter Berg is involved. He hasn't always been a consistent director, but he did direct Friday Night Lights, which is my all-time favorite football movie. The fact that he's actually doing this is sickening.


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 18 2009 at 3:36am
I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I mean, I can't give any of these guys any money in good conscience. It's absolutely ridiculous how horrible movies are these days. I'm going to put my neck out there and say that this is the lowest point in H-Wood's history... This era of films, anyway. From like... what... probably 2k1 on or so.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 18 2009 at 6:30am
Yeah, 2k1 was the beginning of the end for movies. I used to respect H-Wood, but now, I see they have no soul any more. It's not about art or entertainment, it's all about what will make money, plain and simple, and it makes me sad. I love movies, but H-Wood is slowly killing that love.


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 19 2009 at 11:13pm
Hey guys....let's not collapse into dispair here....after all, Barrel of Monkeys: The Motion Picture is probably already in the planning stages. If that can't revive Hollywood, nothing can.

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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 24 2009 at 3:31am

What's next, "7-Up: The Movie"?

In case none of you played that in grade school, it's when the classroom all puts their heads down and their thumbs up, and a select group of kids go around putting seven thumbs down, then you have to guess who it was that put your thumb down. I think you probably could drag that out into a 90 minute movie.



Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 24 2009 at 6:27am
They were just making fun of the Battleship movie on... ummm... I don't remember... Colbert or something. Yea, it was Colbert, because he brought in Jeff Goldblum. It was a really good bit, actually.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 24 2009 at 8:44am

I absolutely love Colbert, but when a movie that hasn't even started filming yet gets spanked on his show, somebody really ought to take a step back and ask themselves if it is a good idea.

I have to admit that there is a suggestion of a bad Twilight Zone episode to this film. Imagine for a minute that the movie centers on a protracted naval battle, and in the end, the camera pans out and we see that the whole thing was nothing more than a board game contest between two ten year-olds.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 24 2009 at 9:25am
The fact that it bases itself on a popular board game that leaves itself entirely without any sort of avenue for a plot, besides perhaps a naval battle where people make it a habit of shooting where they THINK the enemy without being able to see them. But otherwise, it's another example of Hollywood playing at something else's popularity to make money. If it ends up having artistic merit, it'll be completely cheapened by the mere method from which the movie is derived. I don't even care if it's good. I can't in good conscience support a movie like this. In fact, I think most people will probably see it for the same reason they saw Snakes on a Plane.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 24 2009 at 4:21pm

Yeah, the script would have to call for two fleets of five ships, none of which have radar, and they are randomly shooting at each other. You can't get a serious story out of that.

But hey, while we're at it, why not cast Keanu Reeves and Dane Cook as the leads, because calling out random letters and numbers is about all the good acting you can get out of either of them.



Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 25 2009 at 2:48pm

The point of fleets without radar isn't as difficult to get around as it might initially seem. The plot could simply be set in WWI, or in the near future suggesting that some sort of stealth technology for ships has been developed.

The U.S. Navy probably experimented with something along that line late in WWII, which is what the Philadelphia Experiment was really all about. All sorts conspiracy nuts have assigned various other weird notions to that particular project, but it really was an attempt to find a way to defeat radar and magnetic detection by mines and torpedos. It evidently failed miserably. Most the the details remain classified (probably because there is nothing worth telling that came out if it). What can be stated with absolute certainty, despite claims to the contrary, is that the ship did NOT accidentally get teleported anywhere, nobody traveled through time and THERE ARE NO FRIGGING DEAD OR ALIVE ALIENS AT GROOM LAKE OR WRIGHT PATTERSON SO STOP ASKING!!!!!

Incidentally, the Navy still officially denies that their ever was a "Philadelphia Experiment" or Project Rainbow as it is sometimes alternatively called.  The effort, as I've outlined above, most likely did take place, although it probably didn't involve the U.S.S. Eldridge or any other ship. The whole thing was probably a Larry Lightbulb experiment in some little navy lab. What actually took place will likely never see the light of day probably to protect the reputations of a few credulous individuals that thought they could actually make it work, but allow me to state with 100% certainty that all the wild stories are just that.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 25 2009 at 3:17pm
But they can't do a WWI or WWII movie out of it, because there won't be nearly enough opportunity for special effects, which is likely the way they'll go about it to sell the movie.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 25 2009 at 4:28pm
Okay, so you have ten ships that all have stealth technology and are floating around in the middle of the ocean. But that still means you have to find a way to fill up 90 to 120 minutes of screentime based on the idea of two admirals yelling out guessed vector targets.


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 26 2009 at 6:36am
In all likelihood, of course, it's not going to be ANYTHING like the board game. They're just using the name.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 26 2009 at 1:24pm

Ah, it will be the "Catwoman" of board game movie adaptations. Wow, was that a painful sentence to write!

 



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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 26 2009 at 2:19pm

Originally posted by Michaels

Okay, so you have ten ships that all have stealth technology and are floating around in the middle of the ocean. But that still means you have to find a way to fill up 90 to 120 minutes of screentime based on the idea of two admirals yelling out guessed vector targets.

A 1957 film called The Enemy Below comes to mind here. It starred Robert Mitchum and is a very gripping film. I strongly recommend it to anyone who has never seen it. It shows up on TCM and AMC with some regularity.

Chances are, this movie won't even approach the quality of The Enemy Below. There aren't 3 filmmakers left in Hollywood that can produce movies of that caliber. But...ya never know.

Then we have the 1981 German movie Das Boot which was rather slow at times, but consistantly edgy. In the hands of a skilled director, a cat and mouse plot of this nature could work, but I'm not betting on Hollywood doing anything other than taking the low road.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 27 2009 at 3:54am
An, so this movie will be more like a remake of "The Enemy Below" with the "Battleship" title in order to lure in fans of the game? That's even better! Oh, no, wait, it's even worse. Seeing as how Peter Berg's style is along the lines of Michael Bay IF he had talent, I'm not sure if he can do slow cat and mouse type plots; and you know how teenagers and their ADHD stops H-Wood from making movies with slow pacing.


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 27 2009 at 12:57pm

Actually, as I noted in the last line of my post, I have very little confidence that Hollywood is capable of making anything of the cailber of The Enemy Below anymore. However, I'm sure it will please MWG to no end that there should be plenty of shots of shells hitting ships, with all the accompanying flying body parts, and sharks feeding on the left over chum. That stands in contrast to the aforementioned film, a classic of it's genre, in which we weren't subjected to actually seeing a single drop of blood spilled.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 28 2009 at 5:41am
Here's the thing though, saturn... They're making a MOVIE based on a BOARDGAME. A GAME. It's not that they CAN'T make an intelligent submarine movie, it's that they won't. It wouldn't even make SENSE to have a movie based on a boardgame that was serious, intriguing, and gripping. It's gotta be frenetic, and goofy, and lowest common denominator. If they made a Candyland movie, and had it all be an allegory for drug usage and something along the lines of Requiem for a Dream, wouldn't you just feel kinda cheated?

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 28 2009 at 11:33am

Originally posted by dEd Grimley

If they made a Candyland movie, and had it all be an allegory for drug usage and something along the lines of Requiem for a Dream, wouldn't you just feel kinda cheated?

Actually, that sounds a whole lot more interesting to me that 90% of what is going to be released in the forseeable future.

I guess the cautionary note that I will toss out here is that we are doing a lot of speculating on the nature of this movie based on nothing more than a title, and in point of fact, it might not have much of anything to do with the board game. Do I think it will be any good? No. But I thought Rocky Balboa would suck canal water and it turned out to be an almost tolerable effort. Entertaining as this discussion has been, we are going on zero information here.



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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: September 28 2009 at 12:06pm
I understand your point, but there is absolutely no denying that this particular project is an effort by the studios to take a pre-existing product and cash in on it's nostalgic value. Like I'm saying, this HAS to be corny and over-the-top, or it's every bit as much of a joke. On this particular project, I just don't see how it could be any good. Maybe there's secretly a genius behind this, but I mean... Look at what Hollywood's been giving us lately.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: September 28 2009 at 12:27pm
well, all will be forgiven if we get that Aniston-Lohan girl on girl action I keep lobbying for

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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 29 2009 at 3:04am
Clue was made into a movie, however, the board game it was based on had characthers, a plot, and a setting. Battleship doesn't have any of that. That means H-Wood has to get creative and considering they are pumping out remake and sequel after remake and sequel, their creative juices have dried up.


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: September 30 2009 at 3:20pm

Okay, from the news article posted on the main page:

"Movie studio development slates are rapidly filling up with projects based on well-known toys and games. Some high-profile projects in the works include ones based on the classic video game Asteroids, Lego building blocks, the View-Master toy, dolls Barbie and Stretch Armstrong, and board games Battleship, Ouija, Monopoly and Candy Land."

 

Asteroids: Do we really need another "must blow up giant rocks in outer space before they hit the Earth and end all life" movie?

Legos: Unless it's an actual stop-motion "block-movie", I don't want to hear about it. But either way, I can watch any number of those Lego movies for free on YouTube.

View-Master: I can already see a J-horror like movie about the view finder that shows you the future, where everyone you know dies a horrible death, and you must stop it from happening! Yawn!

Barbie: Well, she's had a series of CGI straight to DVD movies, so it was only a matter of time before she made the jump to a live action theater movie. But will it suck as badly as "Bratz"?

Stretch Armstrong: I'd prefer a movie about DC Comic's Plastic Man.

Ouija: There have been countless movies, both studio backed and indie films, that have featured a Ouija board as a part of, or the center of, their plot. Do we really need another one? Not really.

Monoploy: A movie about a CEO who wants to buy everything in an entire city and then jack up the price value of living there? But Michael Moore has already made movies about such topics.

Candy Land: We've had two Willy Wonka movies within the past 40 or 50 years. That's enough movies about worlds made of candy, if you ask me.

Conclusion: H-Wood has officially lost any and all creative integrity.



Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: October 01 2009 at 9:10am
They need to make a movie based on Mousetrap.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: October 01 2009 at 3:21pm

Originally posted by dEd Grimley

They need to make a movie based on Mousetrap.

Didn't Nathan Lane already make a movie like that? "MouseHunt", I think. All it lacked was the big, complex mouse trap ... which will probably be the studios' excuse to remake the movie.



Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: October 01 2009 at 4:49pm
I think this movie would just entail 2 hours of setting it all up. I remember the game taking about that long to set up.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: Michaels
Date Posted: October 02 2009 at 1:15pm
I wonder how they will make movies out of games like "Sorry" and "Trouble"?


Posted By: dEd Grimley
Date Posted: October 02 2009 at 3:31pm
The Revenge of Parcheesi... But that sounds like more of a movie for Bollywood.

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-Iron helps us play-


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: October 02 2009 at 5:28pm
Wake me up when we get to Cootie: The Motion Picture.

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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: Razzilla
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 2:15am
I wonder how they will make movies out of games like "Sorry" and "Trouble"?


If Hollywood ever admits it's Sorry for the movies they've inflicted on us over the past few years...WE'RE in TROUBLE...


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Comparing Uwe Boll's movies to a sack of horse manure will only get you sued by every fertilizer company in existence...


Posted By: Razzilla
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 2:17am
How about SLINKY: THE MOVIE with Sylvester Stallone in the leading role...just to see him get knocked down stairs a hundred times over???

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Comparing Uwe Boll's movies to a sack of horse manure will only get you sued by every fertilizer company in existence...


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 7:36am
Originally posted by Razzilla

How about SLINKY: THE MOVIE with Sylvester Stallone in the leading role...just to see him get knocked down stairs a hundred times over???
Clap I'm there!


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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: BurnHollywoodBurn
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 12:26pm
Silly Putty: The Movie. It's kinda like "The Blob", except it's silly putty!

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The Four Horsemen of the Moviepocalypse: uncalled for sequels/remakes/reboots, 3-D surcharges, untalented "celebrities", and anything with Michael Bay's name attached to it.


Posted By: saturnwatcher
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 12:59pm
Every time it rolls over a newspaper, it makes a copyLOL

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Nine times out of ten, in art as in life, there is no truth to be discovered, only an error to be exposed.--H.L. Menken


Posted By: BurnHollywoodBurn
Date Posted: January 11 2011 at 1:53pm
Originally posted by saturnwatcher

Every time it rolls over a newspaper, it makes a copyLOL
Yes, even better! The movie takes place entirely in a newspaper printing press!

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The Four Horsemen of the Moviepocalypse: uncalled for sequels/remakes/reboots, 3-D surcharges, untalented "celebrities", and anything with Michael Bay's name attached to it.


Posted By: BurnHollywoodBurn
Date Posted: February 01 2011 at 11:26am
I found this laugh out loud funny article about just how bad this trend of toys to movie adaptations could get.
 
http://www.avclub.com/articles/movies-based-on-frisbee-and-slip-n-slide-to-become,51123/ - http://www.avclub.com/articles/movies-based-on-frisbee-and-slip-n-slide-to-become,51123/
 
I think "Kick The Can: The Movie" would be the worst case possible.


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The Four Horsemen of the Moviepocalypse: uncalled for sequels/remakes/reboots, 3-D surcharges, untalented "celebrities", and anything with Michael Bay's name attached to it.


Posted By: rukawaka
Date Posted: April 25 2011 at 2:27am
can not make a film World War I or World War II out of it, because there will be nearly enough opportunities for special effects, which is probably how it will do to sell the movie.


Posted By: Anen
Date Posted: May 27 2011 at 8:28am
Frisbee Force - really not my choice


Posted By: jacket250
Date Posted: June 02 2011 at 9:13pm
Ah, it will be the "Catwoman" of board game movie adaptations. Wow, was that a painful sentence to write!












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Posted By: danielsmith21
Date Posted: June 03 2011 at 6:00pm
Lmao? reallly. Hollywood needs to step up it's a-game. I'm getting sick of all these "repeats." Hangover 1 then Hangover 2. Blah blah blah. Now battleship? Come up with something a little more attractive and creative and new. That's my 2 cents at least.


Posted By: Anen
Date Posted: June 04 2011 at 4:41pm
I couldn't agree more with danielsmith21 :-)



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