Sink Your Teeth into This One...

Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

   I figured that since “Twilight” was a big cultural phenomenon that it might be 

interesting. So I finished the book about a month ago and am on its sequel. The 

book was far from perfect, developing idealized characters that feel like a 

thirteen-year-old girl’s fantasy rather than lifelike characters, a prolonged plot 

that takes a 300 page story and extends it into a 500 page book. Nevertheless, 

Stephanie Meyer’s style of writing is efficient and engaging(disregarding Edward), 

and it just manages to make the story work on a margin. My “friend”, who has 

seen the movie 5 times in theaters just picked up the Blu-Ray copy of the movie, 

and not knowing what to expect, I just watched it with her.

Can you say epic fail? The last time a movie made me this disappointed was 

when I saw Spider-Man 3 a couple years back. Granted, the two lead stars were 

stupendous in tackling their difficult roles, and the movie had a stylish rainy look 

that was drearily appropriate, but almost everything else was a completely 

misguided effort. Whatever proficiency the screenplay might have had was 

clearly lost in translation because the movie I watched played like a 121 minute 

trailer to launch a bad WB drama. Believe me, I would rather pass up a kidney 

stone the size of the Blu-Ray disc than have to watch it again.

My first complaint was the cinematography, completely misconceived. When you 

examine certain scenes, they could have been extraordinary if they had better 

direction. For example, there is the scene where the Cullens are playing baseball. 

Now, when I read that scene in the book, I imagined it would play like 

the scene in the first “Matrix” where Morpheus and Neo are in a virtual reality 

construct, and Morpheus is teaching Neo to defy the laws of gravity, first by 

jumping across a large gap between two buildings. In the baseball scene, Bella 

would be Neo(“Whoa”), and they would use a momentum building score along 

with some nifty special effects. Instead they used some tacky, retro song that 

sounded like it was rejected a contract in the 80’s, along with some 

unremarkable effects that I could have made with Final Cut Studio. This was just 

one of many scenes where the soundtrack used was completely inappropriate to 

the story.

Another fatal flaw of the movie was that at times the movie failed to follow a 

clear sequence of events and completely banal interplay. I don’t know how 

anyone involved could have thought that they were doing something coherent  

when their movie was derailing like a train on a bridge with missing tracks. For 

example, one scene starts off with Edward jumping on Bella’s truck randomly 

saying, “I’m going to take you to my place tomorrow.” What? Of all the 

conversations you’ve had with your friends, how many of them started with 

them randomly inviting you somewhere. He could have started the scene like  

this:

*Edward jumps on truck*

Edward: Bella, I’m assuming you have nothing to do tomorrow.

Bella: Um, no, why?

Edward: I want you to come to my place and meet my family.

Now, I’m no expert on the interplay of teenage lovers, but I’m sure that they are 

much more likely to start off a conversation like that, than what the movie forges 

as interplay. And that’s not the only scene that plays like that, there are 

at least two or three other scenes that randomly transition into other parts of 

the story without any logical buildup. And to think, this is directed by Catherine 

Hardwickle, who directed the movie “Thirteen”. You would think her part in that 

movie would make her more knowledgeable about teenagers.

It is especially aggravating when you look at other movies with flimsy premises 

and how easily they could have been a misguided effort. Movies like “Little Miss 

Sunshine”, “Lars and the Real Girl”, and the “Descent” could have easily failed, 

but they took risks, and they lived out to their full potential. Such a thing could 

have happened here, but obviously that did not happen, and this movie is little 

more than a lackluster effort.

I know that this will probably not reach any devoted Twilight fan seeing how 

they have probably seen the movie by now, and those who are new to the craze 

and are looking forward to the Blu-Ray so they can see Edward’s eyes change 

color in high-def. I know how it goes, you’ve built so much anticipation, that 

you’re going to LOVE the movie no matter what, even though it sucks, you don't 

care, you refuse to listen to any bad word-of-the-mouth LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR 

YOU. I know how it goes. I also know that fans will feel tempted to forgive 

its flaws and enjoy the presence of the Cullen family. I will just point out that 

this movie is not liable to entertain anybody who is not familiar with the series, 

and that this is not likely the movie for you. 