So Cute, We Bet You’ll PUKE!

WHEN WHIMSY IS HANDLED WITH ALL the SUBTLETY of a FRYING PAN to the FACE, WE RUN in the OTHER DIRECTION.

MR. MAGORIUM's WONDER EMPORIUM SADLY PERSONIFIES THE KIND of CUTSIE-PIE "FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT" THAT SO IRKSOMELY RAISES ITS HOMELY HEAD EVERY YEAR ABOUT THIS TIME. AND ITS CENTRAL PERFORMANCES -- BY a LISPING DUSTIN HOFFMAN and a WIDE-EYED (BUT DEAD-INSIDE) NATALIE PORTMAN -- MAY BOTH BE RAZZIE® CONTENDERS COME JANUARY... 

NOT a BIG FAN of CRUMMY CHRISTMAS-TIME KIDDY COMEDIES EITHER?? FEEL FREE to VENT YER WRATH BELOW...

Portman: "Oh, my God, Mister Hoffman!! Did you know that when you fart, your hair stands on end?!?"

I'm one of the few people who liked Toys.  Okay, okay, put down the stones and tomatoes, I know, I know, but I still liked it.

I brought that up because the second I saw the trailer for Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, I felt like this was similar to Toys, except with Toys you had an underlying political theme of war versus peace.  The only underlying theme this movie has is to discover who you really are, which Toys already had.

So, I figured if most people hated Toys, how are they going to feel about a movie that's only half of Toys?

It's looking like my hunch is right.

I haven't seen this yet, and I may be totally off base, but I'm guessing that's the problem.  If it didn't work the first time around, why the hell did they think it would work the second time?

What was it that I said about regurgitation and rumination in another thread?  That it possibly only tastes good the first time around?  Kinda like Jon Voight in Anaconda? . . .

"So if you have any questions, dial information, thank you for calling." 

I don't want to know how the hair stylist came up with Hoffman's look here.  He looks like he ran into a pack of zombies while standing next to a nuclear power plant. 

And how in the world did they dupe Kermit the Frog of all people to take a part in it?  You'll think he would certainly know better than to jump into this kind of shallow pond.  Then again, times have been comparatively tough for him lately too, so may he's eager to get Robin a load of Xmas gifts with the cameo cash...   

Just when I was wrapping my head around two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman, and Oscar nominee (And multi-time Razzie nominee) Natalie Portman being in this, I find myself wondering why in God's name Kermit the Frog would be in this? This is a dark day for Muppet fans everywhere. What's next Gonzo appearing in a Michael Bay film? Miss Piggie signing a three picture deal with Uwe Boll?! I always knew the Muppets had hands up their arse, but I never thought their heads would be there too.

Excuse me while I weep. 

Kermit does indeed make a brief cameo appearance.