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Titanic: The Legend Lives On

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StudioKaiju View Drop Down
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Joined: January 06 2008
Location: United States
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    Posted: January 17 2008 at 3:49pm

I don't think this little gem got a full theatrical release, so I'm probably one of the "fortunate" few who saw it in a theater.

In any case, it was probably the only time it was ever shown to a packed house, and that's only because none of us knew exactly what the feature was going to be.  The title alone would keep people away better than a sign saying "Danger: Anthrax."

This is an Italian-made cheapie cartoon, with characters that looked and behaved suspiciously like characters from much better movies.  For the sake of this post, I will call said clones by the name of their better known counterparts to create the appropriate visual images.

Anastasia and her Wicked Stepmother and Stepsisters and Lucifer the Cat board the Titanic, where Anastasia immediately catches the eye of Dimitri and makes friends with Fivel, Charley Barker from All Dogs Go To Heaven, Pongo and Purdy from 101 Dalmatians, Lady and all of the other animals who are inexplicably holed up in the bowels of the ship.

Meanwhile, Jessica Rabbit arrives to serve as the ship's singer, while Dick Dasterdly strives to win her affection by stealing Anastasia's necklace for her. But he doesn't know that Cruella DeVille and her henchmen also want the necklace.

The animals have a party, and a rapping dog, in sleeveless T-shirt, backwards-facing baseball cap and gold chains performs in front of a brick wall (Remember, we're ON THE TITANIC!).

Doris Roberts and Dom DeLuise lookalikes are two poor passengers who are passing as wealthy to attract rich mates. Naturally, they settle on each other. When the ship starts to sink, they confess their deceptions, profess their love for each other, and decide that death by drowning together is somehow better than going home together poor.

Anastasia escapes with her family and the animals in a lifeboat.  She keeps finding blond guys face down in the water that she believes are Dimitri (Including Leonardo DiCaprio, I assume?).  When she finds out they aren't, she throws them back. (Hopefully, they're dead, but the film is a little fuzzy on this point.)  Eventually, she finds Dimitri alive and rescues him.

Jessica Rabbit and her band perform as the ship sinks and dies.  The captain, of course, goes down with the ship.

We're told in voiceover at the end that Anastasia and Dimitri get married, and the bad guys end up in jail.

This is kind of the cinematic equivalent of a 5 car pileup on the Interstate, so in spite of myself, I ended up Googling the title.

What I discovered was that when it was dumped unceremoniously onto home video as Titanic: The Animated Movie, it had the following disclaimer: 

CHILD-FRIENDLY ENDING ASSURES EVERYONE IS RESCUED AND LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

Well, aside from all the dead people and the people who wind up in jail...

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