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2007’s 137th Torture/Porn "Treat"! |
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Vits
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Joined: February 01 2010 Location: Chile Online Status: Offline Posts: 4807 |
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Topic: 2007’s 137th Torture/Porn "Treat"!Posted: October 10 2012 at 11:26am |
I doubt someone would be thinking rationally in a situation like that.
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SchumacherH8ter
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Joined: September 06 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2011 |
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Posted: October 09 2012 at 6:08pm |
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Of all the "torture porn" films that sucked (and a good portion have) Captivity may be the worst. Since it's so bad, a 9 worst things review is needed.
9.) The villains: A key to good horror movies are good villains. They can help crappy movies seem less crappy. (see most of the Nightmare On Elm Street sequels) The villains in this crapfest are bland. In a rip-off of the end of Saw, the main villain Gary is not revealed to be a villain until the end. The only reason given for his evilness is that his mom touched him. So being touched by your mom turns you into a Jigsaw knock-off. The other villain is the main villain's brother Ben. He's an idiot who gets killed off pretty quickly. 8.) The dog scene: Early in the movie, Elisha Cuthbert's Jennifer Tree is given a task: either kill her dog or she dies herself. She has 30 seconds to decide. It takes her almost the entire time to decide to kill her dog. That makes no sense. If she choices to kill herself, what's going to happen to the dog? Does she really think that the bad guy's going to take care if the dog? It just makers her look stupid. 7.) The script: The script for this is deadly in its blandness. It seems like a bland kidnapping thriller, but with torture scenes thrown in. There's a reason for this, but I'll get to it in a moment. 6.) Roland Joffe: Joffe directed The Killing Fields and The Mission. What the f*ck happened? However, he's not completely to blame for this. 5.) Executive meddling: Apparantly, after the film was in the can, the producer Courtney Solomon* hired a new director to shot torture scenes. Before you dismiss this as rumors, a writer for Blood Disgusting saw a version of this without torture**. Also, look at Elisha Cuthbert's hair. During the non-torture scenes, it's shaggy. In the torture scenes, it's not. 4.) Elisha Cuthbert: Cuthbert is a very attractive actress. She's, also, a very bad one. Her performance in this might be her worst. An appearance by a mountain lion would have actually improved things. 3.) The misogyny: The whole draw of the movie is to watch an attractive woman get tortured. Seriously, that's the main draw. Also, the film seems to look down on Jennifer for modeling. Now, some models have a reputation for bitchyness, but she's not portaryed as a bitch at any point in the film. 2.) The lack of a social commentary: As much criticism as the Hostel, Human Centipede, and Saw films get for their grossness, at least they have social commentary. Hostel's about America's opinion of itself in the world, Human Centipede's about Nazi war crimes, and Saw's basically telling audiences to better themselves or else they'll be tortured. Captivity, on the other hand, is basically about nothing other than torture. The only thing close to a message that the film has is that being touched by your mom makes you evil. 1.) The obscenity: You ever wonder why pornos have weak plots? The reason is that if it was nothing but sex, it'd be labeled obscenity. But, if it has a plot, no matter how lame, it avoids the obscenity label. I believe that Captivity counts as obscene. That's not a joke. It's, with out a doubt, the nadir of cinematic morality. As horrific as A Serbian Film was, it had an actual point. Sure that point was stupid (it's supposedly a parody of the Serbian film industry) but it counts as a point. I was planning on doing a review of Piranha 3DD tomorrow, but I decided to change it to another maneater in the water film. Grade: F Next-up: Orca!! *The same Courtney Solomon who directed Dungeons & Dragons.
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Joel Schumacher is history's greatest monster!-Robot Chicken
https://twitter.com/SchumacherH8r Next-up: The Oogieloves |
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Vits
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Posted: July 29 2012 at 2:43pm |
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Any thoughts?
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candyfizzes
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Joined: March 23 2008 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1 |
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Posted: March 23 2008 at 9:21am |
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Well, the movie doesn't come out for another couple months. Check it out then, don't just assume. Please. |
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My movie is Captivity. Please check it out, thrills, spills, chills, and oh yeah. Elisha and Daniel!
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SchumacherH8ter
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Posted: January 27 2008 at 5:09am |
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Yeah, "Captivity" was a "crappy run of the mill thriller with a script probably rejected from one of the CSI franchises for being too derivative even for them." Currently, "Captivity" is my ninth worst film of 07'. However, I just rented the "Bratz" movie, so it could be pushed back to tenth place.
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Joel Schumacher is history's greatest monster!-Robot Chicken
https://twitter.com/SchumacherH8r Next-up: The Oogieloves |
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sr siete
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Joined: December 23 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3 |
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Posted: December 23 2007 at 8:07am |
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Agh! I loathe the term "torture porn", is just another lazy meme spread amongst the dumbest reviewers to repackage the same old "splatter" movie we've been getting since the sixties as some sort of apocalyptic sign of the times. This Bob Tourtellote guy even includes as "torture porn" "28 weeks later", a movie that has got as much in common with "hostel 2" as "Enchanted".
Anyway, "Captivity" wasn't "torture porn" or even "splatter". It was a crappy run of the mill thriller with a script probably rejected from one of the CSI franchises for being too derivative even for them. But not among the worst movies this year by a long shot. |
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SchumacherH8ter
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Posted: October 14 2007 at 9:31am |
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Even, my peers hated "Pulse"! Yes, it was that bad.
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Joel Schumacher is history's greatest monster!-Robot Chicken
https://twitter.com/SchumacherH8r Next-up: The Oogieloves |
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SchumacherH8ter
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Posted: September 09 2007 at 9:23am |
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I hated "Pulse".
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Joel Schumacher is history's greatest monster!-Robot Chicken
https://twitter.com/SchumacherH8r Next-up: The Oogieloves |
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moviewizguy
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Posted: September 03 2007 at 6:36am |
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No, Pulse had some decent performances, even by Kristen Bell. I saw the un-rated cut, and it has some added scenes which really scared the crap out of me! First movie ever that showed someone jumping off a tower and actually hitting the ground in one shot! Amazing, folks! That was one memorable scene!
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Criss808
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Posted: August 13 2007 at 4:43am |
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"Pulse" was under-rated because it was awful!!! That movie was one of the worst of last year...
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dipitlow555
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Posted: July 30 2007 at 4:03pm |
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Elisha Cuthbert - future Razzie nominee??? I think so!!!
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moviewizguy
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Posted: July 28 2007 at 10:00am |
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"Pulse" was underrated. Why? It was actually decent. |
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Criss808
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Posted: July 28 2007 at 8:53am |
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I wonder if Lindsay was offered this role?
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dipitlow555
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Posted: July 27 2007 at 2:48pm |
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Seriously, why is it that Elisha Cuthbert can't make a good thriller? Example: The Razzie "winning" House of Wax.
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JoBloMovieGoer
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Posted: July 19 2007 at 5:32am |
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I thought nothing could be more graphic and disgusting than the execrable "Hannibal Rising." Then I saw this. If this is Hollywood's idea of "entertainment," then everyone in "the biz" needs electo-shock therapy to bring them back to their senses. And since they enjoy depicting such sadism onscreen, maybe the electrodes should be attached not to their heads but (in imitation of their own product) to their genitalia...
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dipitlow555
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Posted: July 16 2007 at 4:17pm |
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I agree with most of what everyone is saying. The horror films today suck! But I think the only reason "Silent Hill" sucked was because of how confusing it was (but maybe that's just me). And movies like "Stay Alive" should just never have been made. But I did enjoy last summer's thriller "Pulse."
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