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Lindsay in a Look-Alike "Thriller/Killer"

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SchumacherH8ter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Lindsay in a Look-Alike "Thriller/Killer"
    Posted: October 17 2012 at 9:57pm
Time for the movie that set the record for most Razzies in a single year. While Jack & Jill has that record now, the fact that this film had it at all is impressive. This was supposed to be a regular review, but going over it, realised that this deserves a 9 worst things review.
 
9.) Julia Ormond: A few people have defended her performance, but I don't see how. The scene where she cleans while Dakota bangs Audrey's boyfriend is hilarious.
 
8.) Neal McDonaugh: He plays Audrey/Dakota's "dad" and his performance is bad. His character does one of the dumbest things in recent film history. After his baby is stillborn, he buys a baby froma junkie in the hospital who has twins. And he never told his wife about it. What kind of person would do this?
 
7.) The Art Bell cameo: Towards the end of the movie, Art Bell shows up to talk about twin stimata. It's kind of like how Shamwow showed up in Signs to explain a plot point. Except, Shamwow's character had some previous scenes in the film and didn't come completely out of nowhere. Art Bell shows up, then disappears.
 
6.) The torture scenes: I Know Who Killed Me really wanted in on that torture porn cash. It's only fitting that it came out after it fell out of fashion. The torture scene is the only one scene in the movie. And the only torture in the film as Dakota doesn't lose any body parts during the rest of the film. One thing that they could have done to make this concept more interesting is if he started torturing Audrey after Dakota was discredited. That way, the FBI investigators would have had second thoughts about writing her story off.
 
5.) Thomas Tofel: Tofel gives a crappy performance as Audrey's piano teacher. He's, also, the main villain of the film, killing off any students who stop taking his lessons. Wouldn't this make him an obvious suspect? One of his former students was murdered and the killer was never found and another went missing and showed up confused a week later.
 
4.) The color scheme: A review of this movie wouldn't be complete without a mention of the hilariously unsubtle color scheme. See red means that it's Dakota that's on-screen and blue means that it's Audrey. It's so unsubtle that it makes the reveal that they're twins unsurprising.
 
3.) Lindsay Lohan: I bet you're surprised that she's not number 1. This is easily her worst performance and considering her recent output, that's shocking. And then there's her weird sense of decency. One of her roles is as a stripper, but there's no nudity with her. Now, Jessica Alba did have a nude scene in Sin City despite being a stripper, but there's a difference: Alba never showed up to a children's event commando.
 
2.) The script: To best describe the script, just imagine this: David Lynch is getting ready to write a script, but someone throws a rock at him and he gets a concussion, but writes anyway. Now imagine the script that would be the result of that and make it 100 times worse.
 
1.) Chris Sivertson: Even if this was directed by a half decent director, this film would still suck, but not to the degree that it does. But, Sivertson manages to make every single thing worse! For example, in the right hands, the color scheme could be clever. If it was subtlely done, it could be something that you don't pick up until the second viewing. But, Sivertson doesn't know the meaning of subtle so we have the mess we have now.
 
Apparantly, the original ending was supposed to be an "all just a story" ending. I'm kind of glad they nixed that idea. Grade: F
 
Next-up: Resident Evil!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 02 2012 at 3:07pm
I'm adding this to horror movie month.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 02 2012 at 12:39pm
I just re-watched it. I could only find on TV the version dubbed in spanish, so it's not fair that I judge the acting.

It reminded of Schumacher's BATMAN movies: A dark setting full of bright lights. The problem is that the photography is dark on its own, so the bright colours don't fit and made my eyes hurt. And they don't work as Yin Yang symbolism because: A) They're not subtle at all. B) The opposite of red is green, not blue.

It deserves most of the Razzies it won, specially Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie, because it's not a Horror Movie. It's a Drama with suspenseful moments that don't work, and with a couple of gory moments.

A lot of people are still debating on the ending. I think they're missing the point. No matter the explanation, it's still bad:

1) "It was a part of AUBREY's book": This kind of twist is in the same league as "It was all a dream". Soap operas have used them for decades. And people started to grow tired of twists like these somewhere around 2000 and 2005.
2) "AUBREY imagined it as a way to cope with her inevitable death": Same problem as above. And it's even more stupid. If she were to imagine being rescued, why not someone she loves? Why a made up twin? And why would she imagine her dad dying, her twin sleeping with her boyfriend, etc?
3) "It was all real and they just wanted to lay down": I would complain that they should've called the police instead, but DAKOTA and the dad didn't do it when they found where AUBREY was, so it makes sense within this non-sensical universe. But what about an ambulance, since AUBREY was probably still loosing blood? And the mom? Pretty selfish.

I think people should try harder to come up with the more important answers: When DAKOTA wakes up in the hospital, why is she surprised to see she had no arm and leg if she had already loose them? Even if AUBREY figured out she was connected to someone else, how did she know who it was? Why did the killer had fake body parts in his basement? What on Earth made DAKOTA think that breaking the glass coffin like that was a good idea?

I give it a 1/10.
Originally posted by cvcjr13

Talk about confusing the audience.  When you say "stigmata", people are not going to think the plural of "stigma", they are not going to think of "marks of shame" nor are they going to think of "identifying marks."  No, they're going to think of Catholics throughout the ages that mysteriously have marks appear on their bodies, especially in the spots where Jesus was wounded.  Mind you, the exact placement of those wounds change based on the depictions of the crucifixion the wounded worshipper is familiar with, but that's a completely different issue. . . .

No no no no no no NO!  Don't use a term people aren't familiar with, especially if there is a term people ARE familiar with.

Actually, when DAKOTA is researching about it, she clicks on "Non-religious Stigmatas".

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 15 2010 at 11:41am
Thank you.That's all I wanted.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BurnHollywoodBurn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 15 2010 at 10:10am
Vits, all you can get from the ending is "Well, here's my long lost twin sister. We've just been through this crazy life altering event. I just want to lay down and rest with her and try to forget this whole thing ever happened". That's it. Trying to make sense out of this movie is as pointless as trying to find deeper, artistic meaning in a porno movie.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote saturnwatcher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 15 2010 at 8:32am
Originally posted by BurnHollywoodBurn

Nah, some movies are just plain bad, period. There's NOTHING good from movies like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" or "Manos: Hands of Fate."  

 

I respectfully have to disagree...I think Plan 9 is one of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen...for all the wrong reasons of course, but it is still priceless.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BurnHollywoodBurn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 15 2010 at 8:28am
Originally posted by Vits

Fine,it's bad.Whatever.

Could someone explain the endin',or at leas'try?
Dude, it's a movie about indentical twins who are supernaturally linked to each other's physical pain. You seriously want to find deeper meaning to this? It's a s*** movie, it's not worth thinking about how the ending makes any sense, because it doesn't matter.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 15 2010 at 8:12am
Fine,it's bad.Whatever.

Could someone explain the endin',or at leas'try?
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BurnHollywoodBurn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 14 2010 at 4:46pm
Nah, some movies are just plain bad, period. There's NOTHING good from movies like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" or "Manos: Hands of Fate."  

Originally posted by Vits

But ev'ry bad movie ha'somethin'good. 

I just wan'na understan'the meanin'of the endin'.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 14 2010 at 4:29pm
But ev'ry bad movie ha'somethin'good.

I just wan'na understan'the meanin'of the endin'.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BurnHollywoodBurn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 14 2010 at 4:22pm
I wouldn't think too much into it. It's just a bad movie, and that's all.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 14 2010 at 2:21pm
The problem is that this movie was marketed as a bloody thriller,but it's mostly talkin'.

The stripin'scenes are endless,regardless how hot LiLo is.

The sex scene was wrongly chosen as the comic relief.

Originally posted by ITbeast

Yeah...This movie has now made Hollywood history as the Razzie equivalent to both Ben-Hur (1959) and Titanic (1997) (Oscar's most honored) as the most dis-honored in Tinsel town history.

You forgot THE LORD OF THE RINGS 3.

Originally posted by Michaels

SPOILERS:

A friend of mine watched it, this is the "big twist". LiLo plays twins who feel each other's pain (yeah, that hasn't been done before). One is kidnapped and tortured by a man who is obessed with women with articfical limbs (go figure). Now since the kidnapped twin is still alive, that's why the free twin is alive as well. In the end, the free twin finds the kidnapped twin buried alive, unburies her and the two of them lie in the hole in the ground together. Yes, that's right, the movie ends with the LiLo twins hugging each other in a hole in the ground.

Why did she agree to star in this again?


Yeah,I didn't get why they just lai'down.Do you?
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Post Options Post Options   Quote sportsartist24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 11 2008 at 11:02am
A new record of 8 RAZZIES. Quote by Darth Vader from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK after Luke jumps out of the carbonate: "Impressive! Very Impressive" Now the one thing I'll long to see is seeing a movie WIN a total of 11 RAZZIES.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Michaels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 09 2008 at 10:42pm

SPOILERS:

A friend of mine watched it, this is the "big twist". LiLo plays twins who feel each other's pain (yeah, that hasn't been done before). One is kidnapped and tortured by a man who is obessed with women with articfical limbs (go figure). Now since the kidnapped twin is still alive, that's why the free twin is alive as well. In the end, the free twin finds the kidnapped twin buried alive, unburies her and the two of them lie in the hole in the ground together. Yes, that's right, the movie ends with the LiLo twins hugging each other in a hole in the ground.

Why did she agree to star in this again?

"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie ... but, no, no. John Hughes did not direct my life." ("Easy A", 2010)
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Post Options Post Options   Quote dipitlow555 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 25 2008 at 11:33am
Believe it or not, I'm really excited for this movie to premiere on Starz on June 14! =D
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 26 2008 at 8:31am

I told a bunch of kids at school about this film's record eight wins. Here's some responses: "The acting was horrible. It deserved it.", "It may be the worst film I've ever seen", and "It was dumb".

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