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oiram View Drop Down
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    Posted: December 26 2013 at 5:49am
He means he hates a song that was sung by John Lennon.



Originally posted by Vits

What do you mean?
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

*Yes, I went there.
Elizabeth Hartman and Judith Barsi are more talented and beautiful than Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Grace Moretz. Fact.

Worst Supporting Actor: Brendan Fraser/Gimme Shelter and The Nut Job


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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 26 2013 at 8:57am
Yeah, what oiram said.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 26 2013 at 10:03am
I can tolerate HOORAY FOR SANTA CLAUS because of how unintentionally funny it is. THE CHRISTMAS SHOES has very cheesy lyrics, but which Christmas song doesn't? MERRY X-MAS is... just O.K.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 30 2013 at 8:09pm
Time to review the worst Nicholas Sparks movie and man does that say something! Safe Haven is such a horrific cliche storm of a movie, the only appropriate way to review it is a 9 worst things review.

9.) Lasse Hallstrom: Hallstrom has directed many great movies in the past. This is not one of them. The skills he showed in his early films are nonexistent. 

8.) Annoying child actor #9084: This film contains another annoying child actor. I never bothered to learn his character name or the name of the child actor. After you've seen as many awful movies as I have, terrible child actors seem to blend together.

7.) David Lyons: Lyons plays the eeevil ex of Julianne Hough. He's one of the lamest movie villains ever. He's like Billy Campbell's character from Enough and this movie's so bad that I'd rather watch that than this one.

6.) Josh Duhamel: Duhamel is an incredibly bland actor but his performance here isn't bland. It's straight-up awful! A couple of transforming racial stereotypes would have actually improved this movie.

5.) Cobie Smulders: Smulders plays a neighbor of Julianne Hough. She didn't know that she had one and that should tip you off to the incredibly stupid ending, but I'll get to that shortly. Her performance in the film is awful, showing non of the talent she showed in The Avengers.

4.) The screenplay: The story of this film is bad. It rips-off other films constantly. The main films that it rips-off are Enough and Sleeping With The Enemy, but the film rips-off two other films at the end, but I'll get to that shortly.

3.) The chemistry: There's more heat between two flame retardant bricks under water than Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel.

2.) Julianne Hough: Hough us one of the most gorgeous actresses alive. She's also one of the worst. The only reason this isn't the worst thing she did this year is because no black-face was involved with this film.

1.) That Goddamn ending: This is without a doubt the worst ending of the year. In it, it's revealed that Cobie Smulders was the ghost of Josh Duhamel's dead wife. So, yeah, they're ripping-off Ghost and The Sixth Sense. This is so ludicrously dumb and predictable that I wasn't sure that they'd go with it. And they did!

This has a 12% at RottenTomatoes. That's way too high!

My grade: F

Next-up: RIPD!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 04 2014 at 7:43pm
TEXAS CHAINSAW (2013)

Going into Texas Chainsaw, I actually had high hopes for it. The trailer was decent and it actually did look like a good follow up to the original film made in 1974. But sadly, this was a huge disappointment. Don't get me wrong, there were some scary moments in the movie. But really, a few jump scares and a chainsaw constantly flying out of Leatherface's hands isn't enough for this film to be taken seriously. There is too much gore, the acting is done by amateurs and the storyline is way too weird to be even believed.

Well the film starts off rather simple, a girl named Heather finds out that she has a family she never knew existed. Her grandmother has left her a mansion in her will. So, her and a few friends go to Texas to check out her new home. However, in the basement lives a serial killer named Leatherface. With his Chainsaw, he begins to terrorize the group of Teens and anyone who stands in his way.

About 45 minutes in, I actually was quite intrigued with the film's story and set up. There was a lot of suspense and build up leading to the reveal of our deranged chainsaw wielding killer. However after about 45 to 50 minutes later things start to get both really weird and really ridiculous. I do give props to the writers for actually trying to go in a different direction for the story. They really wanted this film to be different from the sequels, prequels and the Remake that came after the original film. But unfortunately the execution just fell flat. I don't want to give too much away here, but the film actually sets up Leatherface as a misunderstood anti-hero. This doesn't work on so many levels but the big reason why it doesn't work is because of who Leatherface is and what he's done. Even if we pretended that sequels and the Remake didn't exist, we still have the first film that pretty much shows he's a killer who is insane and his family is the same way as well. Besides that, for more than half the movie he kills and terrorizes innocent people who didn't do anything to him. How is this character supposed to be sympathetic? It's emotionally cluttered and confusing. I actually wish the writers stuck to the original formula with a smaller twist to mix things up and not change gears halfway through the film.

I don't want to spend too much time talking about the acting. I wouldn't go all out and say it was terrible but it really wasn't all that great either, whether we're talking about the group of friends or the supporting characters of the small town, the cast is really trying their hardest to make their characters stand out and be believable. However, a lot of the characters seem to be cardboard cut outs or just one dimensional. Take Trey Songz as Ryan. I see no reason why this character is even needed in this movie besides being another victim to Leatherface (then again, I can say that for most of the characters in this movie). Also, Trey Songz is not really portraying a character. He's mostly just playing himself. I think the only reason he's in this movie is for fan service. And his character is not the only one that's forgettable, there are other card boarded characters that serve nothing to plot besides being killed by our mask wearing friend. There's a stoner, a thief, a slutty best friend, a few corrupt cops and a lot more.

Just like with "The Call", there was a lot of potential for "Texas Chainsaw". But however, there were plot points and twists that we didn't need. Therefore, this film is nothing but another typical Horror Sequel when it could've been a whole lot more. We have characters who don't amount to anything, the plot is confusing, the acting sub par and I have a feeling we won't be seeing another Texas Chainsaw Massacre type film for a long time.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 04 2014 at 9:44pm
Time to review a movie I promised to three years ago. Yes, Joel Schuamcher's 1999 dud Flawless.

I will say that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was good, but that's not saying much. He could have easily played this role in his sleep. He plays a gay man who helps his homophobic neighbor out after he has a stroke.

Robert De Nero is pretty bad as the homophobic neighbor. His performance is just as bad as some of his other recent titles (i.e. The Big Wedding, Little Fockers, etc.). Oddly, this came out before he started wallowing in self-parody. Granted, the script didn't do him any favors, but he doesn't help the movie with his performance.

Joel Schumacher is the main reason for the film's failings. It's been established many, many, many times in the past that he's not a very good director, Falling Down and The Lost Boys notwithstanding. But, the worst thing about the film is the script which was written by Schumacher himself. The initial premise (gay man helps a stroke-addled homophobic cop... by teaching him how to sing showtunes!!) is silly, but the execution is even worse. Specifically, there's a subplot about ruthless gangsters that feels like something out of a different movie. I honestly thought that something taped over the DVD I was watching until this plot intersected with the main plot.

This is one of the most hilariously wrong movie titles ever.

My grade: D

Next-up: Kick-Ass: comic v.s. film!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 05 2014 at 10:21am
How so?
Originally posted by SchumacherH8ter

This is one of the most hilariously wrong movie titles ever.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 05 2014 at 12:17pm
It's called Flawless and it has a lot of flaws.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 12:03pm
GETAWAY (2013)

You don't like a movie with a plot? Well then, Getaway might just be for you. Really, it's like the writers weren't even trying to make a cohesive story. This is a film that mainly goes for the lowest common dominator. It might not be the worst movie I ever seen, but trust me it got damn close. Let's look at the dumbest use of fast cars, Getaway.

Like I said, there isn't much of a story in this film. A guy named Brent (Ethan Hawke) learns his wife has just been kidnapped and must race against the clock to rescue her from obvious villain (Jon Voight). With the help of an annoying hacker (Selena Gomez) he will do anything to rescue his wife including destroying entire cities and kill hundreds of people. Yeah that's pretty much it. It's like we're stuck in an action rip off of "The Guilt Trip". We are stuck in this Fast car with an under acting Ethan Hawke and annoying Disney Star Selena Gomez. The writers try to make her character seem really smart for her age. But it's just not believable at all. I'm not sure if it's the way her role was written or how she delivers her lines but either way I can't buy her as a smart person. Everything just sounds like whiny Bull Crap to me whenever she speaks. Oh did I mention Ethan Hawke doesn't even bother giving a performance? It just looks like he wants this film to be done with so he can get his paycheck.

Sometimes, the actions scenes can be fun. Still, it's not enough to distract anyone from the horrible acting and lack of story. Even the action scenes can be boring because they go on forever. I swear there is like a 15 minute driving scene that goes on and on and on. So even the good stuff gets just as tired as this formula.

After saying all of that, I will this for Getaway, it can be fun to watch with a bunch of bad movie Lovers like I did at the Razzie Preview night. We all had a blast just ripping this movie apart from Selena's terrible acting to the awful dialogue to Jon Voight constantly wanting the two dimwits to go Left for some reason. Otherwise, you probably should stay away from this horrible excuse of a film. It's just a 90 minute car chase with Selena Gomez as an annoying fairy and Voight telling you "Your Wife is in another Castle".
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Post Options Post Options   Quote oiram Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 12:07pm
You think that Selena deserves Worst Actress now?
Elizabeth Hartman and Judith Barsi are more talented and beautiful than Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Grace Moretz. Fact.

Worst Supporting Actor: Brendan Fraser/Gimme Shelter and The Nut Job


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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 12:16pm
Almost, I still might vote for either Halle Berry or Naomi Watts. I guess I can't trust anyone who was in Movie 43
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 12:59pm
Who was not in MOVIE 43?
LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 1:04pm
My Cougars Jason Statham and Eddie Murphy
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Post Options Post Options   Quote moviecritic1994 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 26 2014 at 9:45pm
THE LONE RANGER (2013)

It's really a pleasure to be able to review the Biggest Box Office Bomb of 2013. This film lost Disney almost $200 Million. Not only is this film filled with horrible writing, directing, story telling and acting but it also is about 1 hour and 25 minutes too long. So let's review one of our Worst Picture Nominees, The Lone Ranger.

John Reid (Armie Hammer) is a man of the law. He even carries around a law book and calls it a "Bible" (okay...?) but everything changes when he dies and somehow comes back to life. With the help of Native American Tonto (Johnny Depp) John becomes The Lone Ranger. The plot seems simple enough, I did give you the basics. But the film seems to be all over the place. It's like one big distraction on a loop or something. There are a lot of stops and starts. For instance, the film starts with Tonto as an old man telling the story of The Lone Ranger to a little boy at a carnival. Why is this needed? It adds absolutely nothing to the plot or to the character of Tonto.

There are two big flaws in this movie that really do make it Razzie Material. Firstly, the movie is TOO DAMN LONG! Oh my God, why does a movie about The Lone Ranger need to be 2 and a half hours long? This isn't The Lord of The Rings, for God's sake one of your main characters looks like a mime with a Dead Bird on his head! Yeah there's action, but you know what it's not cool action. In time, the constant action, chases and explosions get so tiring to the point where it gets you a headache. Yes, this movie might be just as bad as Glitter in that aspect!

The Second major flaw is the fact that the film's atmosphere and characters seem lifeless. Don't get me wrong, the cast (most of them at least) are trying their hardest to have fun and have their characters stand out. But it's really hard when you have Johnny Depp chewing up the scenery and Armie Hammer not bothering to give a performance. That's another thing, Johnny Depp's performance seems so phoned in. He's not even trying anymore. By the time we got to Tonto's origin story, I didn't care what had happened to this guy and what eventually is going to happen to him or this half assed story. The Razzie nominated Director and Screenwriters show no interest in their work and don't bother to have fun with their own film. Just like with the Pirates and The Caribbean sequels this movie takes itself way too seriously. So really The Lone Ranger is just a mess. If the people behind the film don't care, why should I?

What else can I say? The Lone Ranger is a bloated, messy, poorly written, horribly acted, and terribly directed film. Even though a few of the action scenes were enjoyable and some of the supporting cast are really trying it's not enough to save this waste of time. Unless you're a Razzie voter and you feel like you have to watch this (like me) please just don't waste your money and time on a pointless Remake of a show nobody really remembers.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote oiram Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2014 at 6:37pm
Man, I did not feel the length when I watched it.

Is it wrong for me to say that?
Elizabeth Hartman and Judith Barsi are more talented and beautiful than Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Grace Moretz. Fact.

Worst Supporting Actor: Brendan Fraser/Gimme Shelter and The Nut Job


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Post Options Post Options   Quote Vits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2014 at 6:40pm
"Wrong"? Dude, you deserve a medal!
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