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ZARDOZ

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    Posted: June 19 2006 at 4:40pm

FROM THE OFFICIAL RAZZIE® MOVIE GUIDE

ZARDOZ (1974/20th Century-Fox)



WHO'S TO BLAME / CAST:  Sean Connery (Zed); Charlotte Rampling (Consuella); Sara Kestelman (May); John Alderton (Friend); Sally Anne Newton (Avalow); Niall Buggy (Arthur Frayn/Zardoz); Bosco Hogan (George Saden); Jessica Swift (Apathetic); Reginald Jarman (Death)


CREW: Written, Produced and Directed by John Boorman

RAVE REVIEWS:

 “A glittering cultural trash pile – The most gloriously fatuous movie since THE OSCAR!”  The New Yorker


“Director Boorman -- always an interesting visual stylist -- falls flat on his face with this pretentious piece of science fiction claptrap”   TV Guide’s MOVIE GUIDE


“This one's goofy from start to finish and has flying heads, tons of weird British people (is there any other kind?) and one of the lamest stunning revelations ever.”    Rob and Allan / OhTheHumanity.com


PLOT, WHAT PLOT?  Whatever substance John Boorman was self-medicating with when he made this obtuse, ultra-outré, fetishistic, futuristic fantasy, you’ll need a double-dose of it if you actually expect to follow its “plot.” But if you watch it just for laughs, you will get high on its hilariously pompous pretentiousness.


 Starring Sean Connery, wearing a bright red diaper, hip boots, a ponytail and not much else, this is one movie that’s so busy being “about something” that it forgets to have anything intelligible going on. When ZARDOZ begins, with the head of a man in a painted beard floating through a black void and speaking in riddles, you may think you’re in for a Monty Python experience – and you wouldn’t be far off. The Crayola-goatee guy’s head leaves screen after asking “Is God in show business too?” and we are then “transported” to an unnamed countryside in the year 2293, where an army of horsemen in red diapers are paying homage to a giant floating stone head. The head’s echoing voice intones the first of the film’s laugh-out-loud aphorisms: “The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds!” Ol’ Stone Head then ejaculates a giant pile of guns and ammo, and “heads” off for its next appointment.  Barely five minutes in and Boorman has already established the tone for the entire film: Nothing will make sense, everyone will overact, and all the costumes and sets will look like they’re from a Sonny and Cher skit based on LOGAN’S RUN.


 About all that can be gleaned from paying attention (and we warned you already what a waste of time that was) is that the future society in which Connery finds himself has done away with all individual thought and emotion, and the worst punishment of all is not dying, but growing old (wait a minute – that sounds just like modern-day Hollywood!). Since Sean, in his sexy red Depends, is still an emotional and sensual being, he becomes an object of study and fascination to his blank-faced hosts. In one especially funny sequence, Sean is shown sexually stimulating images by his hosts, and everyone’s eyes focus on Sean’s diaper to see if they get a rise out of him. In another bizarrely comic scene, a tableful of dinner guests are asked to vote on someone’s fate, and when one of them disagrees with the others, they turn on him. It’s their method of doing so that is hilarious: They all face the culprit, extend their fingers in his direction and start twiddling them toward him, ever more loudly yelling “Renegade!” in unison. Eventually, the “free thinker” goes into an eyeball-rolling fit and collapses on the tabletop.


 But this twaddle-filled trip through time saves its biggest wad of twaddle for last: The revelation of what “ZARDOZ” means. We won’t spoil it for you, but it left us wondering if Boorman was implying that the future belongs to “The Friends of Dorothy.”  Hoity-toity and self-important to the point of supreme silliness, ZARDOZ is an odd artifact of a time in Hollywood when movie-making and drug-taking often intertwined, to the benefit of no one but Bad Movie Fans like us.


DIPPY DIALOGUE: Zed (Sean Connery): “Stay behind my aura!!”


CHOICE CHAPTER STOP:  Chapter 11 (“The Vote”): In which a “renegade” is roundly punished by his finger-twiddling peers


AVAILABILITY: ZARDOZ will air Friday, August 26, 2011 on Fox Movie Channel, and is also available on both DVD and VHS from Fox Home Video


FUN FOOTNOTE:  Boorman’s next film was the even more ridiculous EXORCIST, TOO: THE HERETIC.


Check out the IMDb page for ZARDOZ... 



 

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Rosen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 19 2006 at 5:44pm

OMG! I can't wait!

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2006 at 3:46am

If you have any sort of intelligence before seeing this movie, seeing  it will suck it right out of you. I made the mistake of buying this on VHS when I was about 19, under the assumption that Sean Connery did not make bad movies (Boy I was wrong!). Other than some brief nudie scenes and some violence, there is nothing in this movie that involves a substantial plot. You spend the last 20 minutes wondering why you wasted 2 hours of your life watching this, when you could have wasted your time on something better. 

Straight from the IMDB database, the only reason Sean did this was because, and I quote: "According to John Boorman, Sean Connery found it incredibly difficult to get work when he abandoned the James Bond role a second time after Diamonds are Forever. Thus, Boorman was able to hire Connery very cheaply for this project". 

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Rosen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2006 at 6:49am
I was joking, but thank you for the warning.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2006 at 8:01am
Just in case you weren't, I would not want any other member of this forum to suffer watching it without due warning.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Rosen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2006 at 8:19am
Ha-ha...and thanks!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote JoeBacon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2006 at 4:07pm
Good lord, I saw this over 30 years ago, while using "chemical refreshment".

Then I saw it minus the chemicals...
2014 Pic: LEGEND OF HERCULES! Actor: Aaron Echkardt, Director: Renny Harlin, Remake: Transcendence
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 22 2006 at 2:29am
I wish I had some of your "Chemical Refreshment" when I had watched it the first time, maybe I would not have such horrible scars embedded in my brain from 17 years ago.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote messy-1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2006 at 1:03am

There's a good, funny review of this at:The Agony Booth

Remember, competition is good.  


Response from Head RAZZberry: Yes, and "the penis is evil -- The penis shoots seeds!" (to quote the best dialogue line from ZARDOZ). Not to worry, I have been aware of Agony Booth since I came across it while doing research for Official RAZZIE Movie Guide. It's a very amusing, well-worth-checking-out Bad Movie Site. In fact, here's a LINK to the Main Page for Agony Booth... 



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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2006 at 4:11am
Here is the exact link at "The Agony Booth" of the ZARDOZ review http://www.agonybooth.com/zardoz/default.asp?Page=1, read and die laughing.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Razzilla Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2006 at 5:04am
At least it wasn't as bad as Hammersmith Is Out

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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 24 2006 at 4:57pm
It must be pretty bad if I've never Heard of it. Thanks for the tip!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ITbeast Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 26 2006 at 3:16am
You know, I must be a glutton for punishment, but all this discussion of ZARDOZ has almost given me the inclination to dig out that Old VHS Tape from storage and re-punish myself for the second time in my life. That way, the agony will be fresh in my mind all over again.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Razzilla Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 03 2006 at 7:04am

It's bad enough that I know the person who put the funding behind the movie... The biggest mistake was making Peter Ustinov the director...and from there, everything just snow-balled... 

Originally posted by ITbeast

It must be pretty bad if I've never Heard of it. Thanks for the tip!
 


Response from Head RAZZberry:  HAMMERSMITH IS OUT featured late-in-their career performances by Liz and Dick, as well as Ustinov directing himself in a supporting role... 



Comparing Uwe Boll's movies to a sack of horse manure will only get you sued by every fertilizer company in existence...
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Brierfox Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 27 2006 at 3:19pm
I have a hard time deciding between "Zardoz" and "The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" as my favorite bad movie.  "Zardoz has nudity, and "Killer Tomatoes" has a memorable theme song.   I never liked "Plan Nine," which was even more complicated than "Zardoz", had no nudity, and had lousy music.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SchumacherH8ter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September 11 2007 at 12:10pm
Originally posted by messy-1

There's a good, funny review of this at:The Agony Booth

Remember, competition is good.

Response from Head RAZZberry: Yes, and "the penis is evil -- The penis shoots seeds!" (to quote the best dialogue line from ZARDOZ). Not to worry, I have been aware of Agony Booth since I came across it while doing research for Official RAZZIE Movie Guide. It's a very amusing, well-worth-checking-out Bad Movie Site. In fact, here's a LINK to the Main Page for Agony Booth...

                                                                                     I'm a big Agony Booth fan myself. I loved their reviews of "Gigli" and "Batman & Robin".
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