ZOOM Goes Boom...and BUST?!?!?!

 

 

?

 

 

Courtney Cox: First off, something nice: I've always considered Cox to be the hottest one on Friends. That kindness out of the way, she's just awful here. The running gag of her constantly falling is especially unfunny!

 

Chevy Chase: Remember when Chevy was funny? Yeah, those days are long gone!**

 

Spencer Breslin: Breslin is to child actors as 9/11 conspiracists are to conspiracy theories: the nadir in an already less-than-glorious field.*** Breslin's best role to date was in M. Night Shamwow's terrible, but not as terrible as the movie that preceded it or followed it The Happening. In it, Breslin is shot full of holes shortly before it's revealed that Re-Run is behind all this madness.

 

 

Rip Torn: Torn is safe in one respect: non of his movies can be as bad as Freddy Got Fingered. In this, he plays Gen. Larabee, a sadistic and stupid individual. His performance is just painful.

 

The "script": I put the quote marks in because I highly doubt that someone wrote this down. A monkey sh*tting in a type-writer could do a better job than this!

 

Tim Allen: 2006 was a dark year for Tim Allen. He had three straight critical and B.O. bombs with The Shaggy Dog, this, and The Santa Clause 3. Allen not winning Worst Actor for those three is like Stanley Kubrick not winning Best Director for 2001... or Dr. Strangelove... or Clockwork Orange... or Barry Lyndon. Man Kubrick got screwed over a lot! To get back on topic, it's a crime!

 

Man, that was a mess of a movie! Grade: F

 

Next-up: Baby Geniuses!

 

*That's a reference to the unreleased Fantastic Four movie from the early 90s'.

**OK, Community's a big hit, but his movie career is probably dead.

***If you're wondering why I didn't put Holocaust deniers as the nadir, Holocaust deniers have mixed in with 9/11 truthers. For example, the most cited source in Loose Change (other than Dylan Avery's demented psyche) is a white supremicist rag from David Duke.